Weyard Weekly
by Yoshimi Takahashi
Summary: The ORIGINAL Pointless Golden Sun Newspaper. Articles on various parts of Golden Sun, with a humorous twist. Note: No offense intended to any character. DISCONTINUED. May be completed in future.
1. Vale And Its Environs

A/N: Hello! I'm Yoshimi Gakusha Takahashi. This is my pointless Golden Sun newspaper. The **Original** Pointless Golden Sun Newspaper! For this week, I'll cover Vale and Sol Sanctum.

****

The Weyard Weekly

The **Original** Pointless Golden Sun Newspaper

Isaac Forgets Tunic, Fights Saturos And Menardi In Underwear

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VALE- In today's news, Isaac, one of the fleeing villagers of the Boulder, forgot his tunic in his rush to get to the Plaza and safety. The sad thing is, _no one noticed!_

No one? No, two Technicolor trespassers noticed. These two attacked our lingeried hero and his friend, a Valean named Garet, but hesitated after the shock of seeing him in his underwear, allowing Isaac to strike first. The two hesitated again when realising that a Fire Psynergy could in fact burn off the rest of his clothes. Menardi suggested that they do so, but Saturos talked her out of it.

****

NOTE: We at Weyard Weekly are almost certain that this was a joke, but readers may draw their own conclusions...

Man Abandons Companions To Boulder!

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VALE- Today, the Weyard Weekly puts the blame squarely where it belongs!

Yes, after exhaustive research, we have found the reason for the Boulder falling on Vale!

Our two eyewitnesses, Isaac and Garet, claim they saw one of the four men holding the Boulder suddenly stop using Psynergy and look around for an escape route! This criminal man saw our eyewitnesses and quickly recovered, acting like he was encouraging them onward. They decided not to make a scene, but told Weyard Weekly about it later.

Prox Challenges Superman's Claim

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PROX- Today, a council in Prox filed a challenge to Superman's claim at being "faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap over tall buildings in a single bound!"

"Our warriors undergo extensive training," the leader of the Fire Clan of the North told our reporter. "They can leap up and down cliffs! I'm sure that some of our warriors (Agatio, for example) are much more powerful than this warrior, Loco Motive, and what's a bullet, anyway?"

An example that our Valean readers may remember was the Technicolor people bounding up and down cliffs during today's storm.

The court case with Jerry Sieggel and Joe Schuster is ongoing.

Alex Fails "Being An Adept" Test

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IMIL- There was shock in Imil today when Alex, a promising young Adept, fails his "Being An Adept" test with a mark of 50%.

"The test is very simple," the town elder said. "It is based on the best-selling book, _Being An Adept_. There are two parts: hone your Psynergy and do not use it for evil. He _did_ pass the first with some of the highest marks ever seen in Imil, but...he had trouble with the second part, failing it miserably."

The police are worried about this and are considering questioning Alex _why_ he failed the "do not use it for evil" part.

****

NEWS FLASH: Alex has disappeared from Imil before the police could apprehend him.

"This is very annoying," the chief of police told our reporter. "I fear the worst."

Classified

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WANTED- Sneak thief! Goes by the name of Isaac. Once accused of walking into people's houses and stealing from boxes and barrels, the case was dropped due to lack of evidence. Now proved guilty when caught trying to pick the lock on Garet's chest of valuables. Warning: the suspect is armed and dangerous. Approach with extreme caution.

****

NOTICE- New educational show, _Isaac and the Technicolor Trespassers_, will be opening in the Vale Theatre on Friday. The message is "Never talk to Technicolor strangers. Unless you live in Prox." Refreshments will be served after the show is complete.

****

HELP WANTED- The high elders of Vale are asking for someone to clean the graffiti off of the Sanctum. Some vandal wrote things such as "Elders are high!" among other such offensive things. Small reward.

A/N: So, what do you think?

Isaac: It's terrible.

Yoshimi: What?

Jenna: *sotto voice* He's mad about the underwear incident.

Yoshimi: Ah. I understand. However, you have to admit, it _was_ funny! It was a gem.

Isaac: It was **not**! Garet, stop laughing!

Yoshimi: Wait a second...! What are you doing here?

Garet: *through laughter* Well, we're just here...

Yoshimi: Out! Out! Out!

Jenna: Hey! What are you doing?

Yoshimi: *slams door* You're probably muses in disguise! I've seen what happens to people with muses...

Jenna: Well, that was unfair.

Isaac: Well, what do you expect? He's a jerk.

Jenna: Come on, Isaac. You can't _still_ be mad about the underwear incident.

Isaac: It's not just that! He also called me a sneak thief! And I told you, Garet, _stop laughing!_

Garet: *snickering*

Isaac: *casts Ragnarok*

Garet: Ow...

Jenna: *snickering*

Isaac: Hmm...I think we _should_ give him a muse.

Jenna: Well, he _is_ rather hopeless. He didn't even remember the disclaimer (and he _doesn't_ own Golden Sun, etc.)!

Isaac: Well, there were nine muses in Greek mythology...what are there nine of?

All: Hmm...

???: Excuse me, but could you direct me to the Prancing Pony?

Garet: Ack! A Ringwraith! Something else he doesn't own!

Jenna: Wait! That's it! Would you like a job?

Ringwraith: What do you mean?

Jenna: Come this way...


	2. Vault to Mercury Lighthouse

A/N: There. I've finished muse-proofing my house.

Ringwraith: *walks in*

Yoshimi: How did you get here?

Ringwraith: *confused* I turned the doorknob.

Yoshimi: Drat! I forgot to lock the door. What are you doing here?

Ringwraith: ^_^ I'm your new muse!

Yoshimi: What!? But most muses don't come until at _least_ the author's second fanfiction!

Ringwraith: I want to avoid the crowd.

Yoshimi: -_-o

Ringwraith: Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Ringwraith # 4, Charlie. I'm your Muse of History.

Yoshimi: What?

Charlie: Well, there were nine muses of Greek mythology, and one was the Muse of History, so...

Yoshimi: What? You mean there're _more _of you?

Charlie: *nods*

Yoshimi: *sighs* Well, at least help me with the reviews, okay? Here are today's reviews.

&&&

Vyctori -- *pained voice* Please. Not the "Yosh'"! *shudders* Anyway, thanks for your input! And it wasn't _me_ who got me a Ringwraith for a muse. So far, Charlie is behaving himself, but who knows what will happen?

Azusasan -- ^_^ Thanks!

Charlie: That's it?

Yoshimi: Well, it wasn't a long review...

[insert Maxor here] -- Thank you for the compliment and suggestion! It's a good idea; maybe I'll put it in when Ivan gets Reveal.

&&&

Yoshimi: Now, Charlie, one of the things a muse does is a disclaimer. So...

Charlie: The Disclaimer -- Yoshimi doesn't own Golden Sun, social services, newspapers, classified ads or Agony Aunt columns. If he did own all of them, he'd be _way_ too busy to do this.

***

Young Boy Victim of Neglect and Child Labour!

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KALAY- Today, a social worker cracked down on a long-standing case. Apparently, the child, who will remain nameless, has been the servant to a merchant by the name of Master Hammet, from early childhood.

"This case has been ongoing for many years," a social services spokesperson told our reporter. "However, after the Vault incident, this can no longer be ignored."

According to sources, the aforementioned child was abandoned in Vault after losing a long wooden staff. He was told to make a citizen's arrest on the three dangerous criminals who stole the staff.

The merchant was unavailable for comment, but his wife told us that Dodonpa was holding him for ransom.

"A likely story," says the spokesperson of social services. "If Master Hammet doesn't show his face in time for the trial, he will lose custody of the child."

Saturos Claims Opponents Used Illegal Substances To Win

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IMIL- Saturos, the mighty Mars Adept, was defeated in battle yesterday. He told reporters that his opponents used illegal substances to win.

"They used the beacon to make [their water psynergist] have limitless Psynergy, and they also used it to deplete mine!" Saturos complained. He challenged local police to look into the matter, as [their water psynergist] came from Imil.

"This cheating is against the rules of battle laid down by the Madra Convention," Saturos told the police. "[They] should be punished to the full extent of the law!"

Police are looking in on the matter.

****

NOTE: The members of the accused party were minors. Their names have been censored.

Mars Adept Attacks Lighthouse, And Loses!

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IMIL- Today, the world was shocked when Saturos was reported to have said, "I lost to this lighthouse...!"

Saturos denied all claims to this quote, responding that it was slander, and was suing _Weyard Weekly_.

The case goes to court a week from today.

Agony Aunt Column: Auntie Dora

Dear Auntie Dora,

I am in love with an angelic healer! She comes from Imil and is called Mia! What should I do to catch her attention?

From, Love Stricken from Bilbin

Dear Auntie Dora,

My heart has been captured by the radiant healer of Imil! Her name is Mia. How can I make her mine?

From, Love Stricken from Imil

Dear Auntie Dora,

I have found my true love! She is a beautiful healer from Imil named Mia. How can I make her notice me?

From, Also Love Stricken from Imil

To Love Stricken from Bilbin, Love Stricken from Imil, and Also Love Stricken from Imil.

To save space, I'll answer these all at once. My answer: write me later. Mia has left Imil to go save the world. Once she's back home, I'll respond.

--Auntie Dora

Classified

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NOTICE- The Psychic Convention of Kalay is cancelled this week, due to the fact that several of the northern psychics noticed a mind reader in Vault and thought that the psychic convention was held there. The convention will be continued next week.

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NOTICE- Courses on the history of the Mercury Clan and Lighthouse taught by Professor Alex have been cancelled, as the professor is "on vacation."

***

Yoshimi: And, there you have it, folks! And now for Charlie to learn another of his duties as a muse: asking for reviews. Hey, maybe having a muse isn't so bad after all!

Charlie: Please review? If you don't want to, that's okay.

Yoshimi: -_-o Then again...


	3. Bilibin and Kolima

A/N: Hello, and welcome to another update!

Charlie: Manwë help us all!

Yoshimi: Be quiet, you.

???: Hello!

??? 2: Soft! What light; through yonder window breaks!

Yoshimi: Sol help us, more muses!

Ringwraith: Hi! I'm Ringwraith # 2, Phil, your Muse of Sacred Poetry, and this is Bob, Ringwraith # 6, Muse of Love Poetry.

Bob: It is the east! And Juliet is--

Phil: Shut up.

Yoshimi: -_-o Great. Just great. Well, here are the reviews.

&&&

Midnight C -- What! Midnight C reviewed my fanfic and liked it! *bursts into tears of joy* Hooray! I'm so happy, I'm so happy! *starts blabbering incoherently*

Charlie: Translation: He's very happy that you reviewed.

Yoshimi: *blabbering*

Charlie: Also, he would like to thank you for the compliments, and to stay tuned, as he's planning a new fanfiction that should be airing next week that should be right up your ally. It will be called _A Mudshipper's Romeo and Juliet_.

Yoshimi: *still blabbering*

Charlie: Thank you again.

Griffinkhan -- Wow, more great authors are reviewing! Thanks for reviewing! I'm not so sure that Isaac would be reading the newspaper after the "underwear incident," but it would be good for everyone else.

Phil: Yes, there are the same amount of Ringwraiths as Greek Muses. That's the general idea. The rest of us should be arriving shortly, but the Witch King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazûls is going to take some convincing to get him here.

Azusasan -- Yes, Weyard Weekly _will_ be covering The Lost Age, but that will take a while, because I only got The Lost Age recently, so I'm still outside Jupiter Lighthouse, so I'm going to finish my first file before I finish the Weyard Weekly file.

Vyctori -- Amazing! I pulled a hat trick of great authors reviewing my fic! About the Weyard Weekly title, I just picked the first title for a newspaper that started with W. Your "Whoo!" is making me wonder if you're taking illegal substances yourself...As for the Ringwraiths...

Charlie: What's wrong with my name?

Yoshimi: Never mind. But I don't want my muse like Menardi! She's scary!

Maxor, previously [insert Maxor here] -- Thank you! I think I'm going to make a lot out of the thief part. I have another article on it here, and I'll include your idea when Ivan gets Reveal. Hopefully, I'll also find some more things in future updates.

Emperess Dotdotdot -- I can see it now..."Hero Charged With Murder! Riots In Kolima!" I'm glad you find this funny. I wasn't thinking that this was so funny until I got all of these great reviews! I love you all!

Phil: Great, you _had_ to get him started...

Yoshimi: *glares* I see what you mean about muses.

Bob: Where's the kitchen?

&&&

Yoshimi: And now, for the next edition of Weyard Weekly!

Charlie: Disclaimer -- He doesn't own Golden Sun, debtor's prisons, the phrase "the real McCoy," police, spokespeople, Ringwraiths, martial law, newspapers, reporters, detectives, travelers, thieves, agony aunt columns, the Bilibin Barricade, and especially not Lady McCoy's silk negligee.

***

Lord McCoy In Debtor's Prison

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BILIBIN- Today, Lord McCoy was apprehended by officials for a long-standing debt. According to the spokesperson for the police, Lord McCoy had finally gone bankrupt when he bought a palace for his wife. It appears that he has been buying expensive presents for his wife for a long time, and this one strained his funds too far.

Rumors that the police took action because McCoy was cutting into the police funds from the government of Bilibin were denied, as well as rumors that the police were planning on putting a fake McCoy on the throne and instituting a martial law.

"He should be out of debtor's prison soon," the spokesperson replied. "We're still keeping the real McCoy as our leader."

Police Follow-up On Sneak Thief

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BILIBIN- Lady McCoy, ruling in the stead of Lord McCoy while funds to cover the debt are being raised, accused the sneak thief, [name censored to protect the minor], of stealing her silk negligee.

"He was lurking around the Lady McCoy's room," a maid reported. "He peeked in the wardrobe and, despite warnings from his friends, he stole a silk negligee from the room. I called for the guards but [name censored] took the back stairs and slipped out."

Police chased him and his companions to the Bilibin Barricade, but he seemed to disappear. The police made their way back to Bilibin to get the key to the Barricade.

The police are planning to make their way past the Barricade to apprehend the criminal.

Agony Aunt Column: Auntie Dora

Dear Auntie Dora,

Lass, I am in need of help. Tae think I would be in debtor's prison...do yeh know of what I should do? I nae bought but a wee number of gifts fer me wife, and yet I am bankrupt.

From, Jailbird in Bilibin

Dear Lord McCoy,

Stop buying so many gifts for your wife! I mean, it's nice to get something special once in a while, but you went too far.

Good luck in prison.

--Auntie Dora

Classified

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LOST- One Weyard Weekly reporter. Last seen in Kolima. According to reports of a traveler, giant sparkles were seen over Kolima at the time of the disappearance.

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LOST- Two detectives. Last seen in Kolima, investigating the disappearance of a Weyard Weekly reporter. According to reports of a traveler, giant sparkles were seen over Kolima at the time of the disappearance.

****

LOST- One traveler. Last seen in Kolima, investigating the disappearance of two detectives who were investigating the disappearance of a Weyard Weekly reporter. No reports. Police are too scared to investigate.

***

Well, there you have it.

Door: *knock, knock*

Phil: Now, who could that be?

Yoshimi: No! Don't answer the door!

Ringwraith + other Ringwraith: Hello!

Yoshimi: I was afraid of this...

Ringwraith: I'm your Muse of Astronomy, Ringwraith # 3, Joe!

Yoshimi: @_@

Other Ringwraith: I'm your Muse of Epic Poetry, Ringwraith # 5, Wilhelmina!

Yoshimi: Um, isn't Wilhelmina a _female_ name?

Joe: Um, the fifth King, Xavier the Magnificent, courted her, and proposed with the Ring of Power.

Wilhelmina: That was a big mistake on my part.

Yoshimi: How did you get to London?

Phil: We flew.

Yoshimi: _Flew?_

Wilhelmina: You wouldn't _believe_ how many free air miles you can get when you threaten the pilot with decapitation! 

Yoshimi: -_-o Someone ask for reviews, please.

Wilhelmina: Review or I decapitate you!

Yoshimi: Well, I guess that I know who's doing the review threatening from now on...


	4. Kolima Forest and Back to Bilibin and On...

Yoshimi: Hello once again!

Charlie: Greetings!

Phil: Hello!

Joe: Hi!

Bob: Did my heart love 'til now? Forswear it sight! For--

Wilhelmina: Shut up!

Ringwraith: Welcome!

Yoshimi: Oh, no...Is every Tom, Dick, and Harry going to take up residence with me?

Tom, Richard, + Harry: Yup!

Tom: I'm Tom, your Muse of Lyric Poetry, Ringwraith # 1!

Richard: I am Richard, the Muse of Comedy, Ringwraith # 7!

Harry: *spinning like a whirling dervish* I'm Harry, Ringwraith # 8, the Muse of Choral Songs and the Dance! Whee!

Yoshimi: -_-o Good grief.

Charlie: Settle down, everyone, it's time to do the reviews.

&&&

Midnight C -- I thought that anything with the word "Mudshipper" would intrigue you. About the Kolima part...^_^0 This is humour, it doesn't have to make sense! Thanks again for reviewing!

Azusasan -- Myeep? What does that mean? Thanks for pointing out the humour fic! I'll try to remember to read it. And, about the silk negligee...I was inspired by something that is just _asking_ to be made fun of that a friend pointed out to me. In Lady McCoy's room, if you click "A" near the wardrobe, it says that there is a silk negligee inside, and then it says, "Isaac, put that back!" Honest! I'm not making it up!

Shiro Amayagi -- That was quick. Thanks for the compliments, and I'm in the middle of continuing.

Super Sheba -- I'll keep a close eye on that event. I try to use anything that the game will allow me, although some things are hard to flesh out into a story. Why is Isaac calling you names? Did you do something like the "underwear incident?"

Griffinkhan -- Well, don't you find it rather odd that Isaac is allowed to enter every house and grab anything he wants there? The Ringwraiths are mostly behaving themselves; as of yet none of them have attacked me, and some are rather quiet, like Charlie. I think that I'd prefer them to Sheba (I've seen the way she acts), but so far I have only eight of them, so who knows?

wolfy -- Thank you! I'm glad you find it so hilarious. And I'm typing on now!

Vyctori -- It definitely _will_ be interesting. Charlie may be overly thorough, but at least I probably won't be sued. Well, the stereotypical Scottish accent was put in to make it even more obvious. I had a little trouble writing it, but I hope I succeeded. Don't worry about the long reviews; I like them long and blabby, especially if they butter me up. ^_^

Shiro Amayagi (again) -- See my response to Azusasan for the answer to the silk negligee report. It takes a bit getting used to, having Ringwraiths about the house. However, they still haven't attacked me, but I'm afraid of what the Witch King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazgûls, the Grand Sisboomba of Mordor, Big Boss of Black Riders, blah blah blah-blah blah, will do to me.

Taiga -- It helps when you're a Ringwraith and can spook all the guards. I don't recommend it for anyone without the Black Breath...the Black Breath can be very scary, so I'm trying to get my muses to brush their (non-existent) teeth.

Empress Dotdotdot -- Of course I'll keep it going! I'm sure Lalivero will be glad that I will be taking full revenge on Babi for his mistreatment of them...Thanks for the peeping tom idea! I just might use it! I had only thought that I could add it to my klepto-Isaac articles, but since it _does_ reveal the unseen...Oh, and the lollypops for the Ringwraiths wasn't a good thing for me...

Joe: **_SUGAR_**! Fwee!

Yoshimi: See my point?

Zelda the 7th Sage -- Thank you for the compliments! I now have a growing number of fans! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ringwraiths + reviewers + staff at Weyard Weekly: *sweatdrop*

&&&

Yoshimi: And now, Sol help us, the disclaimer.

Phil: Oh, no!

Charlie: *takes very deep breath* **The Disclaimer** -- *drum roll* Yoshimi doesn't own classified ads, Golden Sun, psychiatric help, Ringwraiths, their dumb names, any line from Romeo and Juliet, any song from Tolkien's work, the "Roses are Red" poem, whirling dervishes, newspapers, threats of bodily harm, Lord McCoy, journalists, court cases, the few cheap gifts of Lord McCoy, Nyumpa's Fine Dining and Take-out Snacks, the dirty mouths of the Fuchin Temple Monks, H's, K's, bribes, debtor's prison, trees or other plant life, Love Stricken from Bilibin, the Bilibin Barricade, Love Stricken from Imil, Bilibin prison, Also Love Stricken from Imil, a reporter that was missing, two detectives that were missing, a random traveller, divorces, Auntie Dora, bail, Mia, lumberjacks, or the Weyard Weekly editor. In fact, I can't think of one thing he _does_ own.

Yoshimi: Hey! I own this place!

Phil: May I see some proof?

Yoshimi: -_-o Help me!

***

Thief Tried In Bilibin Courts

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BILIBIN- Today, the thief, having solved the curse problem in Kolima, triumphantly came back to Bilibin to claim a reward...and were promptly arrested for stealing. A court case was swiftly started, but charges were dropped due to lack of evidence. The case, being a failure for the law, was quickly hushed up and the thieves were silenced with a few cheap gifts from Lord McCoy, who, happily, has been released from debtor's prison. However, a reporter (the one that had been lost, searched for two detectives who also disappeared, who were also looked for by a random traveller...) tagged along and discovered this. Despite offered bribes and threats of bodily harm, our brave reporter got the story through.

Back-up In Bilibin Barricade Traffic Resolved

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BILIBIN BARRICADE- Today, officials unlocked the Bilibin Barricade, allowing the three people waiting outside to go through to Kolima. When asked for identification, they called themselves Love Stricken from Bilibin, Love Stricken from Imil, and Also Love Stricken from Imil, claiming that they wanted to see a girl who had been seen in Kolima. The girl, whose name has been censored to protect the minor, has been identified as an associate of the thief who has been in the headlines for a long time, were immediately arrested and taken in for questioning.

In other news, a reporter, two detectives, and a random traveller were also let through from the other side.

Agony Aunt: Auntie Dora

Dear Auntie Dora,

My husband has stopped buying me gifts and has ordered that my palace work stop. Just because a few lumberjacks were turned into trees and other plant life. He doesn't care about me! Should I get a divorce, or should I just kill him? If kill him, figuratively or literally?

From, Unloved from Bilibin.

Dear Idiot Lady of Bilibin,

Get over yourself! If you never get another gift from Lord McCoy, that will be more than you deserve!

Sincerely,

Auntie Dora

Dear Auntie Dora,

We've been wrongfully arrested. Please let our friends and loved ones know where we are (Bilibin prison), so they can pay for bail. We can only send one letter, so we decided to let you inform the right people.

From, Love Stricken from Bilibin, Love Stricken from Imil, and Also Love Stricken from Imil.

P.S. Good luck with your column.

Dear L.S. from B., L.S. from I., and A.L.S. from I.

That I will do. Also, I thought I told you to wait for Mia to get back...

--Auntie Dora

P.S. Thanks for the P.S.

Classified

****

NOTICE- Tret seeks psychiatric help. Must be willing to be turned into a tree just in case. Experience in battle a plus.

****

ANNOUNCEMENT- Nyumpa's Fine Dining and Take-out Snacks opened today. ~Fuchin Temple Monks

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ANNOUNCEMENT- Today, Nyumpa's Fine Dining and Take-out Snacks closed today, as Nyumpa is fasting to reach enlightenment. ~Fuchin Temple Monks

****

NOTICE- Weyard Weekly, please take out the opening announcement of Nyumpa's Fine Dining and Take-out Snacks. It looks stupid next to the closing announcement. ~Fuchin Temple Monks

****

NOTICE- *Bleep* you, Weyard Weekly! Why won't you the *bleep* take out those *bleep*ing classified ads! This is getting *bleep*ing annoying! ~Fuchin Temple Monks

****

NOTICE- *Bleep* *bleep* the *bleep*ing ads! We're trying to reach enlightenment here! *Bleep*in' journalists. ~Fuchin Temple Monks

****

WANTED- Someone to find the people who thought it was funny to replace all the H's in the Fuchin Temple ads with K's. Report to the editor. Thank you.

***

Yoshimi: And, there you are!

Bob: Roses are red...

Harry: *twirling*

Tom: Gil-galad was an elven king; of him dum dum, la la la sing; the last who's hmm hm la de da; de da the mountains hm la la!

Yoshimi: It's "Of him the harpers sadly sing; the last who's realm was fair and free; between the mountains and the sea."

Charlie: Hm? *looks up from book*

Wilhelmina: Review! *decapitates dummy*

Richard: That's what'll happen to you if you don't review. Hmm...This looks unusual. *sticks finger in light bulb socket* *gets zapped* Yaagh!

Joe: What's this?

Yoshimi: No! That's chocolate!

Joe: ^_^ Fwee!

Phil: Manwë have mercy on my soul!

Yoshimi: Help!

Joe: Boing! *bounces off walls*


	5. Mogall Forest To Lama Temple

A/N: Wow. It took me _two days_ to update. Probably no one noticed...

Phil: Uh...guess again... *points out of window*

Yoshimi: *looks outside. Outside, there is a large group of people armed with various weapons* What in Weyard...?

Angry Reviewer 1: You took too long!

Yoshimi: @_@ Hey, I only took two days! Most authors take a lot longer than that!

Angry Reviewer 2: You've spoiled us with the daily updates.

Yoshimi: Help!

&&&

Midnight C -- I didn't notice right away, but then when I wrote it enough, I thought, 'That can't be right, it looks too close to...that other word.' However, the clincher was when I made a typing error and wrote the "other word" by accident. Also, Crystal _was_ an inspiration when I created Joe...Not that I like it, though...

Uniswift87 -- Thank you! I will be doing The Lost Age, but it will take a while, because, first I'm going to finish the game, and then start a new file to find the reports.

Vyctori -- Yes, the Stricken group are all becoming regulars. I just wanted to write them in the Bilibin Barricade part, but then, I couldn't get rid of them! I wrote the monks in with such dirty mouths because they _are_ monks, and they're supposed to act the opposite. Also, I had just been continuing to make them angrier until they began to swear.

Akachi -- My reviewers are dropping like flies! I'm sure my muses will torture me sometime; they're probably just getting warmed up! 

Wilhelmina: ^_^ You'd better believe it!

Yoshimi: Good luck with your new muse! I hope it will be more civil towards you!

Shiro Amayagi -- Yes, sugar-high Ringwraiths...oh, dear...

Joe: *runs into wall* *bounces off* Fwee! ^_^

Yoshimi: "1 w1ll l33+ 0wnz0r d4 cr1m1n4l"? I'm sorry, I don't understand. And, I will continue!

Angry Rabble: You'd better!

Yoshimi: Eep! I'm going, I'm going!

wolfy -- Thank you! As always, I'm continuing!

White_Mage -- Thanks! I enjoyed writing the Fuchin Temple part. I just made it get more and more ridiculous. Probably, I could have continued until it looked something like: **NOTICE** - *blee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-eeep! ~Fuchin Temple Monks. Of course, I tried to restrain myself.

Empress Dotdotdot -- *takes cookies* Aye-aye, ma'am! *salutes* *drops cookies* Oops!

Joe: Hmm? What's this? *grabs cookies*

Yoshimi: _Nooooooooooooooooooo!_

Joe: _COOKIES!_

Phil: No! We just got him to start to calm down!

Joe: _FWEE!_

Yoshimi: Er...eh, heh...sorry...Anyway, thanks for the idea; I hadn't thought of that...Stop the presses! We've got a new story!

Taiga -- Opinion differs on who is more evil: the Ringwraiths shown in the movie, or my Ringwraiths. I support the idea that my Ringwraiths are more evil, but I doubt I'd want to live with the other Ringwraiths either! I put in a bleeper because A) I hate swearwords and B) I wouldn't know enough for the Fuchin Temple Monks dirty mouths. P.S. You'll have to mail Tret about that one. See how much of a panic you can make in the mail delivery service by marking a letter, _Tret, Kolima Forest, Angara, Weyard_ or something similar!

Veilius -- Ack! Exclamation marks are contagious! You contaminated me! Well, of course the Fuchin Temple Monks are dirty-mouthed! It was hard on them, but the truth had to be known! Well, living with Ringwraiths isn't as bad as one would suspect, but it's quite a bit worse than living with no Ringwraiths! No! More exclamation marks! Help me!

&&&

Yoshimi: Now the disclaimer...

Angry Rabble: *bleep* *bleep* Weyard Weekly!

Yoshimi: Any monks with you?

Fuchin Monk 1: Yup! We're *bleep*ing mad that you've ruined our reputation for all time! *bleep* *bleep-bleep*

Yoshimi: Disclaimer, please!

Charlie: **THE DISCLAIMER** -- Yoshimi doesn't own Golden Sun, Ringwraiths, Angry Rabble, environmentalists, Angry Reviewers 1 through 6, Apes, monks, bleeps, the Save the Apes campaign, Temples, Empress Dotdotdot, travellers, the phrase "YAHH!", hysterical laughter, Xian residents, Random Reporter, journalists, newspapers, headlines, Two Detectives, Maxor, the short blond boy, Lama Temple, Agony Aunts, the Silk Road, merchants, warrior skills, deserts, seas, large rewards, Kalay, or Tolbi.

Yoshimi: ^_^0 So don't sue me!

***

Environmentalists Complain To Fuchin Temple

****

FUCHIN TEMPLE- Environmentalists today arrived at Fuchin Temple in order to complain about maltreatment to the resident Apes in Mogall Forest.

"These monks have helped four evil people harass the Apes that live in Mogall Forest!" an environmentalist told us. "Save the Apes!"

A rebuke from the Fuchin Temple Monks came. "*bleep* you *bleep*ing environmentalists! We didn't *bleep*in' _tell_ the four *bleep*ing travellers to *bleep* the *bleep*ing Apes! So *bleep* off!"

Nyumpa made a calmer statement. "..."

After long argument, the environmentalist left to try to find the four travellers.

"Good riddance!" a monk was heard to say. "How the *bleep* can we reach *bleep*in' enlightenment with all kinds of *bleep*in' nuisances coming to our *bleep*ing Temple!"

Thanks to our friend, Empress Dotdotdot, who found the story happening and called a reporter!

Thieves Caught In Xian

****

XIAN -- A few thieves had come through Mogall Forest in two groups. The first group of thieves (who refuse to say their names) came into town to try to steal things, but they were stopped by Master Feh. An eyewitness told us that Master Feh just had to say "YAHHH!", and the thieves fell over from hysterical laughter, allowing them to be apprehended.

The second group was smarter. The four minors that have been covered in the news recently, visited and made friends with Master Feh and his daughter, Feizhi. Later on, though, after going through Altin and stealing from some ruins deep within the mine, they came back. According to one Xian resident, the red-haired male guarded the door, while some short blond boy closed his eyes and appeared to concentrate. He then told the two others, a taller blond male and a blue-haired female, where the loot was stashed. The two then swiftly grabbed all the items and hid them on their person. They left, at that point, and systematically entered the next house. The police were called, but the thieves slipped out.

More news as the story develops.

Thanks to Maxor for discovering the thief's accomplice [the short blond boy's] part in the theft!

Agony Aunt: Auntie Dora

Dear Auntie Dora,

We've made our way through Mogall Forest (that was a nightmare), but we're stuck near Lamakan Desert. We've started meditating at Lama Temple to learn Reveal, but it appears it's going to take a while. Any desert crossing suggestions?

From, Love Stricken from Bilibin, Love Stricken from Imil, and Also Love Stricken from Imil

Dear the Stricken group,

...Persistent, aren't you? You could ask Master Hama to help you, but I don't know about crossing deserts. Remember, patience is a virtue!

--Auntie Dora

Dear Auntie Dora,

My long-lost brother has arrived at Lama Temple. I know he's on a journey to save the world, but I wish I could tell him the truth. However, he might be tempted to stay with me. What should I do?

From, Unsure from Lama Temple

Dear Unsure from Lama Temple,

I think you ought to tell him the truth. An extra Jupiter Adept wouldn't go amiss in a quest to save the world. Oh, and Master Hama? There are three people in your temple who might want some help in desert crossing, so if you're going to follow your brother, take them with you.

--Auntie Dora

Classified

****

WANTED- Brave merchant to go on Silk Road. Warrior skills a plus, but mainly brave. Must be willing to cross way too hot desert and fight many powerful monsters. Large rewards. If willing, contact Kalay.

****

WANTED- Brave merchant to go on Silk Road. Warrior skills a plus, but mainly brave. Must be willing to cross monster-filled sea. Large rewards. If willing, contact Tolbi.

****

NOTICE- Random Reporter and Two Detectives looking for new line of work. Safety is a must. Must be so safe that nothing bad could happen. Contact Random Reporter and Two Detectives in Bilibin.

***

Yoshimi: So, now I'm stuck in my house with several Ringwraiths, including one on a sugar high...

Joe: ^_^ Fwee!

Yoshimi: Yeah, yeah, very nice...Anyway, at least the reviewers will have trouble getting past my muses!

Angry Reviewer 4: Guess again!

Richard: Hey, what happened to Angry Reviewer 3?

Angry Reviewer 2: He's around here somewhere...

Angry Reviewer 4: Ahem! What we were about to say is that we've brought help! Tada!

*Angry Rabble steps aside to reveal...all the Adepts!*

Yoshimi: Eep! What are they doing here?

Isaac: I want revenge for the "underwear incident" and the sullying of my name by calling me a thief!

Yoshimi: I speak nothing but the truth!

Saturos: Yeah, right, like I'd say that I lost to a lighthouse!

Yoshimi: You did! Just play Golden Sun! You say, "Me? Beaten? Never! I lost to this lighthouse, not to you!"

Saturos: ...You don't say.

Angry Reviewer 1: That's beside the point! You still were late!

Love Stricken from Bilibin: Well, anyway, _he_ will give other Mia lovers space in a story, besides Isaac, without making them evil, despite him being a Mudshipper.

Yoshimi: ^_^ At least I still have my loyal fans...all three of them...Well, my staff at Weyard Weekly will support me!

Staff: _No way!_

Random Reporter: I'm going to quit Weyard Weekly! You got me turned into a tree!

Two Random Detectives: You tell him!

Random Traveller: You aren't going to rule over us anymore! We will send you down!

Charlie: ...Wait a second, I think I found a loophole!

Yoshimi: Tell me!

Charlie: Well, the Angry Reviewers want to make you write more _often_, but the people you've tortured in Weyard Weekly want to _stop_ you, so...

Angry Reviewer 2: What?

Angry Reviewer 6: You mean, our allies are actually on the other side...

Phil: Now, where did Angry Reviewer 5 go?

Angry Reviewer 5: Present!

Angry Reviewer 1: Sooooo...

Angry Rabble: *turn to look at Adepts and other angry people from Weyard*

Garet: Uh, oh...

Jenna: Um, they're all lies! You wouldn't believe _him_, would you?

Angry Rabble: *draw weapons and slowly advance*

Adepts: Eep!

Yoshimi: And remember, Angry Rabble, review once you're done!

Angry Rabble: *nod* *attack Adepts*

Adepts: Argh! *cast various Psynergy*

Phil: Ooh, aren't the lights pretty?

Yoshimi: ^_^0 ...whatever.


	6. To Kalay

A/N: Sol be praised, Joe has had a sugar crash!

Joe: Errgh...

Yoshimi: So, now I'm safe. The Angry Rabble has even gone away!

Charlie: Look! There's another Ringwraith approaching!

Phil: It's the Witch King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazûls!

Yoshimi: Eep! Let's get the reviews done quickly so I can barricade the door!

&&&

Midnight C -- Don't worry about the Adepts. The Angry Rabble beat them off, and now they're probably recovering from their wounds. However, now they'll probably be madder than ever, and will probably attempt a full-frontal assault on me. Hooray. Good luck with Shade and Mist. Somehow, I get the same feeling about them trying to be inspirational...

Shiro Amayagi -- I'm glad you liked the Angry Rabble. I was afraid that someone was going to get insulted. Angry Rabble may be returning, because everything that I write comes back, it seems.

Vyctori -- I've noticed that Saturos always seems to take a drop in IQ points when he takes part in a humour fic. Everyone that I write in seems to come back. I'm guessing that all of the people who took part in the last episode of my muses and I are lying low, licking their wounds.

Super Sheba -- Thanks for the idea! My reviewers are very helpful at finding stories...more so than my staff.

Random Staff Member: *whistles inconspicuously*

Yoshimi: Ahem! Anyway, the replacing of swearwords was partly because I don't like swearwords, and partly because I have a very limited vocabulary of swearwords, so the Fuchin Temple monks would repeat themselves very often.

Azu -- That was annoying, wasn't it? Weyard Weekly almost_ became_ weekly! Of course I'll keep going; I have no reason to stop. Thanks for the idea, too.

White_Mage -- Yeah, they don't need to control their tempers; I'd lose a valuable running gag! Thanks for the compliments. I'm never sure what's funny and what's not when I put together another issue of Weyard Weekly.

Empress Dotdotdot -- It was my pleasure to use your idea; I got an article without even having to think! And that's a good thing. I'm glad that my reviewers are finding this so funny! Extra good luck with finding a snack, I'm getting hungry!

Maxor -- More good ideas! You're spoiling me, you are! I'll wait until I am running out of ideas before using the Djinn Kidnappers, but I'll use the other right away!

Elemental Adept -- Well, if the chapters are short, I can update more often with less. I tried to mock the Sol Sanctum incident, but nothing came into my head that I could flesh out. I was thinking something along the lines of "Kraden? Who's Kraden?" because everyone just said Jenna's name and not Kraden's, but I just didn't find a way to make a whole article about it.

Veilius -- Of course they're becoming regulars! That way, if ideas fail me, I can just dip into my reserve of running gags and make something out of that! No! I still seem to have the ! disease! Oh, well! And there's a little more Ringwraith action with the last of my muses arriving!

Taiga -- You ask about the daily updates? You have discovered our vital secret. We cannot allow you to leave alive...

Phil: Never mind him, he's being silly. Don't worry, a lot of the staff is still here, but there were some fewer, so the update took longer. At least, that's what Yoshimi says. I think he was just lazy.

Yoshimi: You have discovered another vital secret! We cannot allow you to leave alive...

Phil: You said that already.

Yoshimi: Oh, well.

Akachi -- Hooray! I know I must be a good author; I got threatened with bodily harm to update, and I didn't even leave you on a cliffhanger! *ducks flaming mallet* Oh, and Jenna? You may be able to kill your author, anyway. One of mine tries...well, read on to find out.

Plague-of-Penguin -- Oh, no! I thought I had gotten rid of the Angry Reviewers! Now I find out they're just getting reinforcements! I'm in the process of making it longer here.

Griffinkhan -- Yes, there are many people angry with me. That's one of the perks of being an author! ^_^ Sheba, you aren't getting any space because I haven't met you in the game yet. Those of The Lost Age will probably be getting a back seat until The Lost Age part of Weyard Weekly. Also, to satisfy you, I put something in early. About Babi's ship...Maybe, since it was stolen by Babi, the Lemurians took it back, and sent them home in a leaky rowboat. I can see it now...Garet trying to evaporate the water in the boat and setting it on fire. Isaac heroically saving Mia, and then finding out that the water was knee deep. That sort of thing. And, don't hurt me, Sheba!

Margaret -- Thank you! I knew about the unique part, but I wasn't so sure about clever...

&&&

Yoshimi: Do the disclaimer, Charlie, while I barricade the door. *grabs table*

Ringwraiths, besides Charlie: *pick up various pieces of furniture and follow Yoshimi to the door*

[Baka me! I forgot most of the disclaimer!]

Charlie: **The Disclaimer -- Yoshimi doesn't own Golden Sun, Ringwraiths, newspapers, environmentalists, water supplies, oases, *bleep* *bleep* or *bleep*, Maxor, Azu, trains of monks, radioactive green stuff, toxic waste, Master Hammet's treasure (I wish!), Agony Aunts, Dora, Hostage in Tolbi, water sports, holiday cruises, open-air exercise, drummers, fun for the whole family, exotic wildlife, or Master Hammet's vacation.**

***

Environmentalists Complain About Water Supplies 

**LAMA TEMPLE**- Today, environmentalists came to Lama Temple in order to complain about dirtied water supplies.

"The animals of the desert come to drink from these waters, as well as merchants," an environmentalist claimed. "You Lama Temple people gave four travellers something to allow them to find these oases and told them to bathe there. They would jump in, fully clothed, and let all of the dirt seep into these water supplies."

The Lama Temple monks refused to comment, but a train of monks from Fuchin Temple said, "Not more *bleep*ing environmentalists! You *bleep*ing *bleep*s are everywhere! *bleep* you all!"

Thanks to the joint work of Maxor and Azu in uncovering this story.

Toxic Waste in Kalay Tunnels 

**KALAY**- Today, four people complained about toxic waste in Kalay Tunnels.

"There appears to be some kind of radioactive green stuff!" one complained.

Lady Layana didn't mention about their complaint, but she asked why they were in Kalay Tunnels. "That's where my husband keeps all his treasure!"

The complainers disappeared before answering charges.

Agony Aunt: Auntie Dora 

Dear Auntie Dora,

So, here we are in Kalay. Master Hama helped us find the oases while Feizhi, who also decided to come with some golden ring charm, fought off the monsters with her Chi. Oh, yes, a Lama Temple monk came too. He's originally from Fuchin Temple. He asked us to ask you, "Why did you *bleep*in' tell Master Hama to go across that *bleep*in' desert! It's *bleep*ing hot there! I'm here because the monks had decided that Master Hama shouldn't go alone, and the *bleep*ing cheaters *bleep*ed the *bleep*ing results in the casting of those *bleep*ing lots!" No offence intended, we're sure. Master Hama told us to thank you for telling her to follow her brother. We've got a small problem, though. In order to follow Mia, who's gone across on a boat to Tolbi, we aren't sure how to get across the Karagol Sea. It's got a lot of monsters and there aren't going to be any more boats going across until the monsters go away. Any suggestions?

From, Love Stricken from Bilibin, Love Stricken from Imil, Also Love Stricken from Imil, Unsure from Lama Temple, Kung Fu Fighter from Xian, and A *bleep*in' Monk from Lama Temple

Dear Group,

As the Agony Aunt column writer for Weyard Weekly, I have a few connections. I'll pull a few strings and see what I can do. Good luck, guys! You're my best correspondents, so be careful!

--Auntie Dora

Dear Auntie Dora,

Why hasn't Weyard Weekly published anything about _me_? There's a lot of political intrigue going on over here in Tolbi, so get those reporters moving!

From, Hostage in Tolbi, from Lalivero, originally from who-knows-where.

Dear Hostage in Tolbi, etc.

The owner of Weyard Weekly is in the middle of rooting through the newspaper staff, because some seem to be bribed by Babi. When the owner fires them, we should be getting news from Tolbi.

--Auntie Dora

Classified 

**HOLIDAY CRUISE**- Come to Kalay Docks or Tolbi Docks to get an offer of a lifetime! Prices are slashed! Water sports, lots of open-air exercise, with a famous drummer as musical entertainment! See the exotic wildlife! Fun for the whole family!

**ANNOUNCEMENT**- Notice to all Kalay citizens. Lady Layana reports that Master Hammet's vacation will be a little longer than expected. This was planned. It's the truth. Really.

***

Yoshimi: *shoving chair against door* There. That should do it.

Witch King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazûls, Grand Sisboomba of Mordor, Big Boss of the Black Riders, blah blah blah-blah blah: *climbs through window*

Yoshimi: Oops.

WKA, LN, GSM, BBBR, BBB-BB: I want my Nazgûls back!

Yoshimi: Well, you aren't getting any!

Joe: *in next room* Fwee!

Phil: *same place* Help!

Richard: *ditto* Stay away! Stay away!

WKA, LN, etc.: *dramatically* You _will_ give me my Nazgûls back!

Yoshimi: *timidly* Can't we discuss this civilly?

Phil + Richard: *run into room, slamming door shut behind them*

WKA, LN, you get the picture: *stabs Yoshimi in shoulder*

Yoshimi: Eep and ow!

Richard: *picks up discarded knife and does Aragorn impression* You have been stabbed by a Morgul Blade.

Morgul Blade: *melts*

Yoshimi: -_-o Thanks for the information. I'll remember that _when I die!_

WKA, LN: Now to finish you off! *lifts sword* *pauses*

Joe: *through door* Fwee! Fwee! Fwee! *runs into door*

Door: *breaks off hinges*

Joe: *still running* Fwee! Fwee fwee! *leaves a trail of empty Pixie Stix*

WKA, LN, GSM, BBBR, BBB-BB: Argh!

Joe + door: *run into WKA, LN* *continues running* 

WKA, LN, etc.: *gets pushed along, out the door, down the road* You haven't heard the last of me!

Joe: Fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fweeeeeeeeeee! *fades into the distance*

Ringwraiths: *sweatdrop*

Yoshimi: All, right, then. Wilhelmina, Richard, Tom, Harry, we're off to Rivendell!

Wilhelmina, Richard, Tom, + Harry: Why us?

Phil + Charlie: *at the same time* Why not us?

Bob: *at the same time as above two* ...Violets are blue...

Yoshimi: Charlie and Phil, I need you to post in my absence. Bob, you're too annoying. Wilhelmina, I need you to get us a plane, and I need Richard, Tom, and Harry to carry me and help Wilhelmina fend off orcs, airport security guards, etc., on the way to Rivendell. So, if there are no complaints, then we can be off to Rivendell before I turn into a wraith.

Bob: Are you sure you don't want to be a wraith?

Yoshimi: *glares* Stick to poetry.

Bob: ^_^ Oky-doky!

Yoshimi: Remember to review while I'm gone!

Tom + Harry: *grab Yoshimi and leave*

Joe, door, WKA, LN: *in English Channel*

WKA, LN: Blurb.

Joe: ^_^ FWEE! *still running*


	7. The HMS TolbiBound Ship

Charlie: Welcome to the author-less update! Maybe it's easier without him, because the Angry Rabble who were gathering outside left when they found out that Yoshimi wasn't home!

Phil: Hey, why do you get to be the leader?

Charlie: Because that I'm Ringwraith # 4, and 4 is one of Yoshimi's two favourite numbers.

Phil: Author's pet...

Charlie: We received a letter from Yoshimi, responding to all of the reviews and holding the next update! Did you know that postal service workers get spooked when a Ringwraith answers the door? Anyway, here are the reviews!

&&&

Midnight C -- That's why I picked which muses to stay behind. I just hope that Joe doesn't come back while I'm gone, or there will be a lot of mayhem. I _will_ put in something about the Djinn. I was just waiting for myself to need a little filler, as Djinn are everywhere. Also, Djinn don't talk, so they don't give much humour (I actually used Halt on a Djinn and talked to it, but it only said, "...". I tried Halt-ing it again and using Mind Read, but nothing happens [do Djinn even have minds?]). I'll need all the luck I can get, going to Rivendell with Ringwraiths.

impossibly dead ka --

Wilhelmina's handwriting: Yeah, why don't you write a Middle Earth newspaper?

Yoshimi's handwriting: Well, maybe.

Tom's handwriting: WE WANT OUR NEWSPAPER!

Yoshimi's handwriting: Oh, great. Now they'll never stop bugging me. I don't know how they're going to reach enlightenment that way. Maybe we need to get Nyumpa back out of his enlightenment to keep them in line!

Azu -- Sorry for scaring Felix. Thanks for the idea...Maybe environmentalists complaining about the maltreatment of the rare chameleon turtles?

Griffinkhan -- Oh, dear. I haven't found the time to get rid of all those reporters in Babi's pay yet, so I don't think Sheba's going to be too happy with me. Hopefully she won't go all the way to Rivendell to attack me. At least she gave me a few ideas for Tolbi. Since Weyard is flat, I doubly doubt that the world revolves around her. I wonder why Sheba's so anxious to get into Weyard Weekly...All I do is torture the characters! I guess she thinks any publicity is good publicity.

Vyctori -- Well, I was thinking later about how probably those oases aren't too clean, due to the fact that they are in a desert, and the dust probably drifts in occasionally. The Stricken group sort of _are_ her penpals. It also is helpful for me to take up space to make these updates seem longer. ^_^0 The muse skit wasn't so enjoyable for me...probably because I got the business end of a Morgul Blade, which isn't an enjoyable experience for anyone!

Shiro Amayagi -- Great. When I come home from Rivendell I can expect another Angry Rabble. Hmm...Maybe I could hire an elf or two as bouncers...

Super Sheba -- Thanks! It's always great when I read stuff that butters me up! ^_^

Triad Orion -- Cool! Now all of my Favourite Authors are reviewing! Of course I'll make fun of Babi! Babi isn't nice to anyone, really. I'll see if I can come up with anything teasing the Captain of the Tolbi-Bound Ship. He seems like a good target! I had to do some serious thinking to get the aggravation article, and...you'll see the result.

Give it up for Maxor! -- Good idea about Sheba! Really, the security is so lax. An elderly couple is pretty much it. I really think that I should be giving you two a salary or something for all the ideas you're giving me!

Veilius -- Thanks! I was so relieved to get the antidote! *takes antidote* Ah. Much better. The Aragorn impression was there because it was about the most useless things my muses could do. Don't worry about commenting on the muse skits. When I'm reading someone's fic, I enjoy muse skits almost as much as the actual stories! Sometimes even more so! It appears that Charlie and Phil will be doing even more, as I'm still not in Rivendell.

If I didn't know that death threats=good author, I'd think that you all hated me! So I've got an assassin on my tail...oh dear.

Mr. Jupiter (x2) -- Of course you haven't seen anything like it before. This is the **Original** Pointless Golden Sun Newspaper! Thanks for the compliments!

White_Mage -- Don't worry about the lack of reviews. Just don't do it again! Oh, Squall doesn't sound too calm him/her/itself.

deku -- ...Okaaay. That was random. You know, you sound a lot like Joe.

Veilius -- _Help!_ Okay, I'm updating, I'm updating! It's my muses' faults, really!

Muses (handwritten or out loud): _Hey!_

Yoshimi's handwriting: Fine! The real reason is because I was finishing up The Lost Age, then I was writing in "A Mudshipper's Romeo and Juliet" and my one-shot, then I was lazy and playing Aidyn Chronicles, and now I'm finishing recovering from being sick! And I'm turning into a wraith. There. Also, the Middle Earth postal system is slow when asked to deliver letters to other dimensions.

&&&

Chalie: **The Disclaimer** -- Yoshimi doesn't own Golden Sun, Ringwraiths, Rivendell, Random Sailors 2 and 3, [name censored], blue aviator shades, crystal swords, passengers, the HMS Tolbi-Bound Ship, mutiny, the Captain's Lucky Anchor Charm, unconscious rowers, conscious rowers, slander, vats of poisonous spiders, Ouranos, Sean, boats, sailors, Djinn, Karagol Sea, Tolbi Docks, Auntie Dora, penpals, strange islands, the Captain's Lucky Anchor And Other Random Charms Shop, or Triad Orion (who makes a cameo appearance; sorry, I couldn't help it!).

***

News From The HMS Tolbi-Bound Ship 

**HMS TOLBI-BOUND SHIP, KARAGOL SEA**- According to eyewitnesses, [name censored], the thief mentioned often recently, was actually _falsely_ accused of theft. When [name censored] returned the Captain's Lucky Anchor Charm, Random Sailor 3 accused [name censored] of stealing the charm. The group set up a court and started the case, but [name censored] was able to argue his case well, so they declared him innocent.

According to one of the passengers, who was wearing blue aviator shades, "It's a good thing that court case didn't take too long! We passengers were ready for a mutiny because of the long wait for the departure of the HMS Tolbi-Bound Ship!" This passenger also complained about cruelty to tourists, as he and three other passengers had to row the ship when some creatures knocked out the actual rowers. "I think one was just pretending to be unconscious to get out of rowing," he commented.

These comments were rebuked by Random Sailor 2. "I saw that passenger knock out a rower himself. He was helping those four kids protect the rowers when he accidentally hit one with the flat of his crystal sword!"

The passenger called this slander and threatened to sue Weyard Weekly if Random Sailor 2's comment appeared in print.

**NEWS FLASH**- Passenger sues Weyard Weekly for slander.

Ouranos Shoved In Vat Of Poisonous Spiders

**TOLBI DOCKS**- Today, Ouranos was attacked by sailors of the HMS Tolbi-Bound Ship, who were annoyed at him saying that he'd rather be in a vat of poisonous spiders than be on a ship. The sailors wished to test this, so they grabbed a Vat of Poisonous Spiders (TM) (available at shopping centres everywhere!) and shoved him in.

His friend Sean was able to get him out before there were any ill effects, but not before Ouranos commented, "At least I'm not at sea!"

Disaster At Djinn Procession 

**TOLBI DOCKS**- Djinn gathered from many areas to take part in the Djinn Parade in Tolbi Docks. Their message, "Don't Kidnap Innocent Djinn!" Unfortunately, four people kidnapped the Djinn in the parade. Police are investigating.

Agony Aunt: Auntie Dora 

Dear Auntie Dora,

Thanks for the help! Unfortunately, the boat you got to sail across the Karagol was shipwrecked on a strange island that has lots of monsters and isn't on any of the charts. The sailors are panicking and the rest of us aren't exactly calm. Help!

From, Your Penpals

Dear Your Penpals,

Um...well, I'll do my best! I've heard there's a lot of treasure over there, but you may not want to risk the monsters.

--Auntie Dora

Classified 

**ANNOUNCEMENT**- The Captain of the HMS Tolbi-Bound Ship has opened up the Captain's Lucky Anchor And Other Random Charms Shop in Tolbi Docks.

***

Charlie: I wonder how the rest are doing?

*In Middle-Earth*

Tom: The road goes ever on and on; dum dum dee dum la la began; dee dum de dum la la deda...

Yoshimi: *being carried by Tom and Harry* Why didn't I take Phil instead of Tom?

Wilhelmina: Look! There's Glorfindel and a few other elves!

Richard: Let's see if they'll take us to Rivendell! Hi, Glorfindel!

Glorfindel + Random Elves 1-6: Argh! *ready bows*

Random Elf 7: *faints*

Harry: *eats several cloves of garlic* *uses garlic Black Breath*

Random Elves 1-6: Gasp! *faint*

Glorfindel: *gasping for air*

Yoshimi: Do you know the way to Rivendell? I've been stabbed with a Morgul Blade.

Glorfindel: *points, still gasping*

Richard: *flips a coin to Glorfindel* Thanks!

Ringwraiths carrying Yoshimi: *run off*

Random Elves 8-34: Halt, foul fiends!

Yoshimi: Uh, oh...

Tom, Richard, + Harry: Fowl? *start dancing the Funky Chicken* *drop Yoshimi*

Yoshimi: Oof! *feels elven dagger being held at throat* This is not my lucky day...

*Back in London*

Phil: They're probably having the time of their lives.

Charlie: I'm sure you're right. Review, please.

Bob: I swear to thee by Cupid's strongest bow,

By his best arrow, with the golden head,

By the simplicity of...

Phil: SHUT UP!

Joe: Fwee! ^_^

Phil: Oh no! He's back!

Joe: *runs into wall* *knocks down Ancient Greek urn* Fwee!


	8. Special Edition: Tolbi Scandal, Issue On...

To: Weyard Weekly,

Fanfiction.net,

Internet Limbo

From: House of Elrond,

Rivendell,

Middle Earth

Dear Reveiwers,

It's me, Yoshimi. Here I am in Rivendell. The postal service here is slow; that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! It was an adventure and a half getting here.

*uses Scary Author Powers to do Flashback*

Random Reviewer 1: Coooool! Nice special effects!

*FLASHBACK*

Yoshimi: *to elf that has knife against his throat* Listen, I just need to get to Rivendell.

Random Elf 13: *dramatically* You are travelling with Ringwraiths! Evil scum of Mordor!

Yoshimi: *indignant* I'm not evil, and I'm not from Mordor!

Random Elf 13: *raises knife for finishing blow*

*END FLASHBACK*

Hee, hee! I loved doing that! At the bottom, I'll continue the flashback. Here are the reviewers.

&&&

deku -- Oh, no! Another one like Joe. The world will not survive!

Veilius -- Preed, I think _all _death is horrible, especially my own! I'd better update soon! Wait, I'm updating now. Preed and Wilhelmina -- scary thought. I'd be dead within the week. I think I'll decline your offer. If my reviewers came along, I think that they'd attack me for not updating after saving me.

Azusasan -- Herbs...hmm...I'll think about that one. The scalper guy? Who? Maybe I don't want to know...

Uniswift87 -- I _will_ do something for The Lost Age once I'm done the first Golden Sun! How many times do I have to tell my reviewers that I'm going to! Sorry about that, but many reviewers ask me about that.

Maxor -- Actually, I was thinking of employing you as reporters. Good ideas, Sprink, and good luck keeping the Random Demon away.

Mr. Jupiter -- Thank you! *runs away from inspiration*

Taiga -- As many as I can! MWAHAHA! *ahem* I had thought that my Ringwraiths would be good guards but, as you can see, they aren't.

Shiro Amayagi -- Booyaka. Yosh'?! ARRGH! *spasms* *ahem* Good luck with the eye troubles. I don't think that the Adepts would do that--they didn't know him well enough to want to attack him.

Vyctori -- Yosh' Tak'?! *spasms* ARRRRRRRRR *a while later* RRRRRRRRRRRRGH! Ancient Greek urn? It's my birthday present. So what if the museum and the police disagree with me? It's MINE! My own...My preciousssssssss...What do you mean, were? Did someones steals the precious? No! Thief! Thief!

Super Sheba -- Yes, I do seem to get involved with "A Mudshipper's Romeo and Juliet", especially now that I'm offering bit-parts to reviewers, SHAMELESS PLUG, SHAMELESS PLUG! I'll try to find something about Garet; he shouldn't be too hard, what with his intelligence level.

Akachi – The usage of Mia and co. was DEFINITELY cheating! We Golden Sun fanfiction authors are a weird bunch, aren't we? I mean, who else goes, "Someone threatened to kill me! WOOHOO!"

white_mage -- A Djinni with a dirty mouth? 0_o; I guess it isn't any weirder than a monk with a dirty mouth. Thanks for the compliments!

Akiko -- Horoscopes would be interesting, but I'd have to use their element instead of their sign, because I don't know when anyone was born. I will make fun of Babi, but not Kraden as much. Kraden is actually one of my favourite characters!

&&&

So, my dear readers, from my bed in Rivendell, I send you the Weyard Weekly Special Edition -- Tolbi Scandal, Issue One! Since Charlie isn't here in Rivendell, the disclaimer will be short. I don't own Golden Sun, or Shiro Amayagi, who makes one of the cameo appearances. I hope you don't mind, Shiro. If you do mind, I can edit it out.

***

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!

Today's Special Edition is all about Tolbi and its evil ruler, Babi! We finally got rid of the reporters in the pay of Babi, so finally we got news. And what a lot of news we found! So, today we have a special edition -- Tolbi Scandal, Issue One! Yes, that's right, folks, Issue One! We couldn't fit it all in, so we dropped the stuff that happens after Colosso. Next week, we'll cover the plots that come after Colosso.

Hostage Escapes!

**TOLBI**- Today, a hostage held in Babi's Palace escaped!

"I don't know how she escaped!" the captain of the palace guard exclaimed. "The, er, visitor, was under strict, uh, request to stay in her room, so she wouldn't esc--get lost. We had her under constant guard--I--I mean, to ensure her safety, of course!"

The "constant guard", also known as an elderly couple, didn't care about the loss of [name censored].

"You go, [gender censored]!" the two were heard to say. "Hopefully she will get back in [nationality censored] to her home town of [home town censored]."

**LATE NEWS**- [name censored] returned from her evening walk.

Babi Missing, Cries Jubilant Throng

**TOLBI**- Guards panicked today when Babi was missing. The reason--crowds were making streets unsafe. The celebration was getting out of hand. Luckily for the guards, who were having trouble controlling the ecstatic parade, Babi returned, although he was facing charges outlined in the next story.

Tolbi Leader Involved In Drug Trafficking

**ALTMILLER CAVE**- When two brave guards entered the evil Altmiller Cave, they found Babi, who was trying to involve some innocent minors in his malicious attempt to control the trafficking of a drug, known on the black market as "the Draught." He was captured and brought back to Tolbi to face charges. Also brought up was the keeping of hostages. Tolbi's leader is expected to be faced with a life sentence, which, a jury member commented dryly, may take a long time, if what has happened before is any indication.

Babi will continue in his role as Tolbi's leader until solid evidence is found of his guilt.

Agony Aunt: Auntie Dora

Dear Auntie Dora,

Thanks for the help! A man with an injured eye found us on that island. He's joining us on the quest to find Mia, as he's hoping she'll cure his injured eye. He sends you a message, "Booyaka, comrade Dora! Do you know where I could pick up some protective eyewear?"

From, Your Penpals

Dear Penpals,

You're welcome. Try in Tolbi for some shades.

--Auntie Dora

Classified

**NOTICE**- All voyages between Tolbi Docks and Kalay Docks have been cancelled. Repeat. All voyages between Tolbi Docks and Kalay Docks have been cancelled. Repeat. All voyages between Tolbi Docks and Kalay Docks have been cancelled. Repeat. All voyages between Tolbi Docks and Kalay Docks have been cancelled. Repeat. All voyages between Tolbi Docks and Kalay Docks have been cancelled. Repeat. Aw, *bleep* it. ~Tolbi Docks

***

And now, the long-awaited conclusion to the flashback!

*FLASHBACK*

Richard: *runs into Random Elf 13 while doing the Funky Chicken*

Random Elf 32, who happens to be brighter than Random Elf 13: *gasps* That is a wound of a Morgul Blade! Hurry, we must get him to Rivendell!

Yoshimi: Hooray! Someone who talks sensibly!

Random Elves 31, 15, 24, + 25: *pick up Yoshimi and begin to carry him off*

*END FLASHBACK*

And, so, that's my tale. To make a long story short, they got me to Rivendell in time, Elrond used Scary Elf Powers (something like Scary Author Powers, I'm sure) to heal my wound, and now my muses are running around Rivendell, causing, I imagine, untold destruction and chaos.

Plaudite cives!

~Yoshimi G. Takahashi


	9. Special Edition: Tolbi Scandal, Issue Tw...

Yoshimi: *plunking down suitcases* I'm back!

Richard: Yo!

Tom: Yo!

Harry: Yo yo-yo!

Wilhelmina: Shut up.

Phil: *looking up from a newspaper* Welcome back. You got in the London newspapers.

Yoshimi: What? *looks over Phil's shoulder* Let's see..."Airport Security Increased Due To Attack By Cloaked Men"?

Wilhelmina: *very much insulted* _What about women?! I did all the work and they get all the credit!_

Richard: Groovy! 

Wilhelmina: *whacks him over the head with a mallet*

Yoshimi: *grabbing newspaper* What's this? "Riot By Authors And Muses Near Local Author's Home"? Uh, oh... 

Angry Reviewer 1: I guess he's cottoned on to us.

Angry Reviewer 2: There probably isn't any use hiding any more.

Angry Rabble: *come out from behind trees and shrubbery in Yoshimi's yard*

Yoshimi: *locking door* Here are the reviews!

&&&

Empress Dotdotdot -- I try to work on both fanfictions at the same rate. And you guessed correctly!

Azusasan -- Oh. Sorry. I forgot about ticket scalpers. The thing that came to my mind was "people who scalp others." I didn't have fun in Rivendell because, once I had gotten better and was ready to enjoy myself, I got kicked out. *glares at Ringwraiths*

Richard: Hey, it's the Sword That Was Broken. It won't matter if it gets broken a few more times.

Tom: And I'm sure he doesn't need _that_ many heirlooms around.

Yoshimi: *sighs*

Midnight C -- Don't worry about missing a few chapters. Just keep your word about never doing it again! I got the drug trafficking from something Sheba (Griffinkhan's muse) wrote while trying to force me into writing about her.

Super Sheba -- GO INSANENESS! ^_^ With all the insane authors, I'm surprised that the Golden Sun characters haven't gone insane themselves! And you're welcome.

Griffinkhan -- Uh, oh...I'm not sure if there's going to be anything about Sheba until Sulhulla...I'm doomed, aren't I? And, yes, I updated with an invisible chapter last time...heh, heh, heh...

Vyctori -- I was going into cliffhanger withdrawl...actually, I'm not sure if I've wrote any cliffhangers yet...caught, draught, hey that rhymes! 0_o; You need to work on not keeping such big grudges...I forget what you said in my other fic, but I'm sure I don't want to know.

Akachi -- Evil beyond the grave, eh? Well, I'll be.

Phil: You'll be what?

Yoshimi: *glares at Phil* *turns back to review* Elrond said hi back! Or at least, "Who's Akachi?" but he also said "Hello to whoever she is."

Shiro Amayagi -- You'll also be good for a guide, as none of them have gone through this area before. I'm glad you're better! Now you have depth perception!

Veilius -- I'm sure I can't stop the Ringwraiths from having lots of action! In fact, this time, they almost have more time in the spotlight than the actual update!

Harry: *twirling* Ho-la!

Wilhelmina: *whacks him on the head*

Yoshimi: Well, I guess Ringwraiths are better than a couple of assassins, but I'd prefer to have an inanimate object, like the author EchoKazul. I'll watch out for those two.

Triad Orion -- Whew! When you didn't review, I was scared that I had insulted you, since I did make you row. You got in because you asked about the passengers' aggravation because of the late send-off, but I couldn't think of anything. So, I just stuck you in for it. Yes, Babi slamming is good. It ought to be an organized sport!

White_Mage -- Sugar bad for those around the sugar-filled person. Sugar make person go crazy.

Joe: ^_^ Fwee!

Yoshimi: I rest my case.

Maxor -- uiersdfjkxfnmjvcdghdfjkasdgjdfuisdruerwjkd to you too. And, here I am, continuing!

&&&

Angry Rabble: *banging on door* Let us in!

Charlie: Hey, Yoshimi, over here!

Yoshimi: *looks over where Wilhelmina and Phil have caught two suspicious characters* AUGH!

Preed: We told you what would happen if you didn't update. *lifts gun*

Wilhelmina: *hits Preed over the head with a mallet*

Preed: X_X

Claire: Ha! You can't hurt me! I'm a ghost! *prepares to curse Yoshimi*

Phil: *begins eating garlic*

Claire: What are you doing?

Phil: Yoshimi made us brush our (non-existent) teeth, so we lost our Black Breath. However, if I eat enough garlic... *uses Garlic Black Breath*

Claire: *gasping for breath*

Wilhelmina: *herds Claire out the window*

Phil: *slings Preed out window*

Charlie: *slams window shut before Angry Reviewers can jump through window*

Angry Reviewers 3-6: *slam into window*

Yoshimi: Well, here's the update, Tolbi Scandal, Part II!

Angry Reviewers 7-10: *begin to build siege engines*

***

Colosso Cheat! Babi's Chosen Warrior Takes Colosso Crown TOLBI- Today, the Colosso tournament was just drawing to a close when three youths were brought in for having cheated so that the warrior Babi favoured could win. 

Tolbi courts had just finished with the recent suing of Weyard Weekly for slander and the charges of drug trafficking by Tolbi's leader, but the tired court had to come out for another case. We were able to get the transcript for the case.

Judge: *yawning* All rise. All sit. Do you swear to tell the truth, blah blah-blah.

Colosso Official: I swear. These three are accused of cheating in the--

Judge: Oh, dash it all, I'm tired of these cases. We'll declare them guilty to get this over with. *raps hammer on table* *falls asleep*

Colosso Official: (?} Uh, is there any objection from the jury?

Jury: Zzzzzzzz...

[name censored]: Hey! This isn't fair!

[name censored]: We demand a retrial!

Guard: *yawning* *ushers [name censored]s out the door*

[name censored]: Stop that! Frost!

Guard: *frozen solid*

Other guards: *tie [name censored]s hand and foot* *toss [name censored]s out door*

**LATE NEWS**- Babi, in a show of favouritism, paid the bail for the three [name censored]s. Babi will be arrested himself shortly.

Brawl In Tolbi 

**TOLBI**- Today, in Tolbi, there was a brawl in the marketplace between someone named Alex and Babi. When they arrived at court, this transcript went on.

Judge: I declare the *yawn* defendant guilty. *falls asleep again*

Guard: Uh, what was the cause of this, anyway?

Alex: He wants the Stone of Sages too! It's mine!

Babi: No! It's mine! My own...my preciousssss...

Alex: It's mine, I tell you! And then I will rule the world! MWAHAHAHA!

Guards: *begin to put Alex and Babi in straight jackets* *toss them in cart to be taken to the insane asylum*

Alex: The world will tremble at my feet! MWAHAHAHA!

Babi: Nooo! They steals the preciousss! Alexses, we hates them! We hates them forever!

Sneak Theif in Court 

**TOLBI**- [name censored], the notorious sneak thief, was taken to court today after the theft of Babi's Cloak Ball. The court's transcript goes as follows...

Judge: *snore*

Palace Guard: *straining to hear* What was that?

Judge: ZzzzZZZzzZz...

Palace Guard: I swear it.

Judge: ZZZZzzz-zzzZzZZzzz...

Palace Guard: These four, three of them recently in court, were sneaking around Babi's private chambers when they were found by an old man who was looking after Babi's room.

Judge: zzZZzzzz-Zz-zZ-ZZZ-zzz-ZZzzzZz

Palace Guard: *offended* Of course we can trust him! And, if you search these four's belongings, you should find the Cloak Ball. Thus is my case.

Judge: zzzzZZZZZZZ-zzZZzZZZzzzz

Jury: ZZ-zz

Palace Guard: What is the sentence?

Judge: ZZ-z-z-ZZzzZ

Palace Guard: All right, move it out.

[name censored]: What? Did I miss something?

Judge: *waking up* Hmm? Whazat?

Agony Aunt: Auntie Dora 

*writing very scrawled and messy*

Dear Auntie Dora,

This is a quick letter, and we're hoping for a quick answer. In search of Mia, we went to Altmiller Cave. We hadn't believed that it was evil, but at the moment the three of us are huddled underneath a torch while Unsure from Lama Temple, Kung Fu Fighter from Xian, A *bleep*in' Monk from Lama Temple, and Comrade of Booyakas from Internet Limbo are trying to hold off the monsters. HELP!

From Your Penp *message ends abruptly*

Dear Penpals,

I've asked for a group of guards from Tolbi to search for you. Good luck!

--Auntie Dora

Classified 

**NOTICE**- Due to the double arrest of Lord Babi, the Babi Tolbi Choir practice is cancelled. For when (if) the choir continues, you ought to continue practicing "Your Praises," which some people might have heard Babi singing "Your Praises" about Isaac, who is also under arrest.

**NOTICE**- The HMS Tolbi-Bound Ship will be running again. Next year. Maybe. I think. ~Tolbi Docks

***

Yoshimi: Hmm...they've been quiet for a while.

Door: _BOOM!_

Yoshimi: {!) *looks outside* *sees big battering ram, straight from Age of Empires II, outside door* What the...?

Charlie: Don't worry, we've got this covered.

Yoshimi: Well, hurry! The door won't stand too long! *opens door*

Log From Battering Ram: *goes through doorframe*

Yoshimi: *shuts door after Log exits* *repeats*

Phil: *over walkie-talkie that Charlie is holding* Do you read me? Over.

Charlie: Reading you. Over.

Phil: I'm on the roof. Over.

Charlie: Proceed with Plan Murder Holes. Over.

Phil: Roger. Over and out.

Yoshimi: Murder holes? Isn't that a castle defence that they used to shoot arrows and pour...Yikes!

Charlie: Yes. Boiling oil.

Angry Reviewer 7: AAAAUGH!

Battering Ram: *catches on fire from boiling oil*

Angry Reviewer 4: Save the log!

Angry Rabble: *hold off fire while disconnecting log from battering ram*

Angry Reviewer 2: Don't allow them a moment's peace! Fire the catapult! Ready the ballista!

Yoshimi: 0_o; Do _what?_

Catapult: *throws rocks at Phil's pot of boiling oil*

Phil: Mayday! Over.

Charlie: Launch Plan B! Over.

Wilhelmina: Reading you. Over and out.

Yoshimi: What is it _this_ time?

Wilhelmina: *on roof with Richard and Tom, all with bows and quivers of arrows* Light, arrows!

Richard: Uh, you mean, fire?

Wilhelmina: _Yes, of course I mean, fire! Light 'em!_

Tom: Um...do I have to?

Wilhelmina: **_ARE YOU DISOBEYING ME?_**

Richard + Tom: *snapping to attention* N-n-no!

Wilhelmina: **_THEN LIGHT THEM, IMBECILES!_**

Richard + Tom: Yes, ma'am! *set arrows on fire*

Wilhelmina: *with own flaming arrow* Ready! Aim at the catapult! 

Richard + Tom: *swallow hard* 

Wilhelmina: **_FIRE!_**

Catapult: *catches fire*

Phil: Good! *takes what's left of the boiling oil and attacks with it*

Angry Reviewer 1: **_NEVER MIND THE CATAPULT! THE BALLISTA! FIRE!_**

Charlie: PLAN C! PLAN C! Over.

Harry: Right! Over.

Yoshimi: 0_o; I wish that they'd just leave...

Harry: *readies Ringwraith's own catapult* Fire!

Bob: *launches stones* Why should you think that I should woo in scorn?; Look...

Harry: SHUT UP!

Ballista: *gets smashed by catapult stones*

Angry Reviewer 5: Get the backup catapult, quickly!

Angry Reviewer 9: But it's not done yet!

Angry Reviewer 5: {#) I DON'T CARE!

Angry Reviewer 8: Okay, then. *rolls out partly built catapult* *bombards Harry and Bob*

Charlie: Oh, no! We're going to have to utilise Plan X.

Phil: *gasps* Not...that...!

Charlie: We have no choice.

Wilhelmina: That's inhuman!

Yoshimi: What? What? Something that Wilhelmina thinks is inhuman? 0_o; I don't think I want to be nearby...

Charlie: Ready. Aim. **_LAUNCH!_ *throws open door***

Joe: *uber sugar high* **_FWEE!_** *runs into middle of Angry Rabble*

Angry Rabble: **_AAAAAAAAAUGH!_ *hastily retreat***

Wilhelmina: Review, or Joe's coming to your place.

Yoshimi: *in shock* 0_o; I will never look at my muses the same way again.


	10. World Tour And Suhulla

A/N: There _is_ a good reason for the slow update. I've had to play several hours of Golden Sun before I could get enough stuff for an update. Also, I'd like to apologise for the extra long muse skit. I got asked for more Ringwraith action, so I started to give them some, and then they just wouldn't stop! Here are the reviews! Whoa, there are over a page of them! ^___^ Actually, the review responses are longer than the muse skit!

&&&

Azusasan -- Unfortunately for me, it did happen, and some of my reviewers are vengeful. Well, the person who thinks that Alex is her type _is_ female, but she seems to be not only quite elderly, but she's married with kids (and grandkids)!

Midnight C -- I know the feeling. My muses scare _me_. Having things like Weyard Weekly in Golden Sun would be extremely amusing, I agree!

??!!??!! -- Well, much of it comes from Age of Empires II, some from my knowledge of medieval history, and the rest I made up.

Jupiter Ronin -- Trust me, you don't want muses like these. Some are harmless, but some...

Wilhelmina: *gets offended* *draws longsword and mallet* *advances threateningly*

Yoshimi: Eep!

Maxor -- I've been scared off bodyguards after my muses attempted to guard me last chapter.

EchoKazul -- Yes, now I can be slow with my updates for no reason whatsoever!

Phil: As for your sugar question, let's test that out!

Yoshimi: No! Don't!

Wilhelmina: Don't come a step closer!

Yoshimi: *stops*

Richard: Here you are, Joe, pure sugar!

Joe: ^_^ FWEE! ^_^ *grabs sugar* *eats quickly* ^_^ ^_^

*several hours later*

Tom: More sugar!

Joe: ^_^^_^_^^_^^_^_^_^_^_^_^ FWEEFWEEFWEFWFFFFWEEEEE! *suddenly takes off like a rocket, straight up* *flies through roof* *continues into outer space* FWEEEeee... *fades into distance*

Yoshimi: Well, it appears that they can only eat about...*looks at piles of empty bags of sugar* **_2000 kilograms!!!_**

Phil: Before they take off like rockets.

Joe: *in orbit* FWEEFWEEFWEEFWEEFWEEEEEEEE! ^_^_^_^_^_^

Triad Orion -- A B-2 what? I guess I'll find out...I hope that this update is worth the wait, too.

Akachi -- A sugar-high Agatio? 0_o; That would probably be worse than Joe, because Agatio would be more likely to damage something accidentally!

AmbieChan -- Thank you! Not many people want Joe to come over.

Super Sheba -- Improvising... Maybe they'll be able to argue their way out of jail with that one. Thanks for pointing out the "underwear incident" from your profile. Hey, Isaac was involved in an "underwear incident" in Weyard Weekly. Isaac seems to get involved in a lot of those...

SilverSkye27 -- Well, I kind of put one of my reviewers, Shiro Amayagi, in a guest appearance, and then he wouldn't leave! He always says "Booyaka, comrade [insert name here]." If by the "great blackout of 2003" you mean that blackout I heard about in North America, I was in another country. Actually, I was in another continent! I'm from the United Kingdom.

Akiko (x2) -- Thank you!

Vyctori -- Hey, you guys attacked first! I was just defending myself! Or, really, my muses were defending themselves. I thought you might like that one, due to your Alex and Babi hating. Angst? What's that? The later muse skits will hopefully be a little shorter than the update. And, for your threat...*gulps*

Shiro Amayagi -- Thank you for the good idea! I'll try to put it into action.

Taiga -- Well, I think the Angry Rabble's going to find my weak spot this time...uh, oh...

Griffinkhan -- Thanks for keeping your muse under control. I've decided to restrain myself with the muse skits here, but they're still pretty long. I guess that comes of having nine muses vying for attention, not to mention guest appearances. Wait, I guess that _was_ mentioning guest appearances. And this time I rushed to Suhulla.

Veilius -- Don't worry, if you can keep your muses under control, that would be better than I could do. With the last letter, the Stricken group ran off quickly, leaving the half-finished letter behind, and Isaac's group found it and mailed it. I think that they may have carrier pigeons or something. Maybe they _do_ have owl post...

deku -- Thanks for the compliments!

impossibly dead ka -- I try not to name the Angry Reviewers in case some are insulted by my portrayal of them, or are insulted because I forgot to put them in. Weyard Weekly's staff is in Weyard. Well, Veilius's muses _are_ both assassins, so I'd say that they're worse than at least some of my muses. A reviewer with a muse...interesting.

White_Mage -- Babi isn't too popular, is he? I wonder why no one tried to assassinate him before?

Bubonic Woodchuck -- Lovely...A lot of my reviewers are threatening me this time...I guess it was because my muses attacked them.

Destinyofthepast -- ^_^ Thank you!

&&&

Yoshimi: After last time, my muses have been busy.

*Yoshimi's house now looks more like a medieval castle. A couple of Ringwraiths are patrolling the turrets. Several catapults are around*

Yoshimi: So I feel pretty safe. Here's the update.

***

Sneak Thief To Political Coup Leader 

**LUNPA**- Today, we received news of [name censored], the sneak thief. Recently, he was able to leave Tolbi's jail because Babi's representative, Iodem, paid for bail.

Somehow, the four thieves were able to enter Dodonpa's residence. Showing no sign of professional courtesy, they were able to lock up the leader of Lunpa, to the joy of the townsfolk. They were hailed as heroes. Ha, that's a laugh. [name censored]'s group, heroes! HA, HA, HA!

Anyway, we at Weyard Weekly are keeping an eye on them.

Political Coup LeaderTo Peeping Tom 

**LUNPA- Again today, we received news of [name censored], the political coup leader. It appears we were right to doubt Lunpa's "heroes."**

As some of you may recall, [name censored] and his associates stole the Cloak Ball.  Using its powers to hide in the shadows, [name censored] has become a peeping tom and eavesdropper. Police in Lunpa...well, thieves in Lunpa...cornered him and his contacts, but they melted into the shadows with one sinister last message.

"**_The Shadow Knows..._"**

Environmentalists Converge in Suhulla 

**SUHULLA- Today, environmentalists came to Suhulla to complain about the recent travellers disturbing the natural habitat of the Tornado Lizards.**

"The travellers are destroying the whirlwinds that are the natural defence of the Tornado Lizards," a spokesperson of the environmentalists said. "Some are even hunting them out of season!"

"The Tornado Lizards are a threat to the populace of Suhulla," the mayor of Suhulla responded. "I, for one, will be glad to see them gone. Don't you call them an endangered species to me! They are more an endangering species towards humans!"

The court case for a reserve for the Tornado Lizards (and the declaration of them as an endangered species) is ongoing.

Agony Aunt: Auntie Dora 

Dear Auntie Dora,

I was just hanging around Vale's entrance when Isaac made a visit to Vale. He's GORGEOUS! Why didn't I notice that before! I think I'm in love...What should I do?

From,

Love Stricken from Vale

Dear Love Stricken from Vale (where have I heard this before?),

I have some very good advice. KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY SON!

Cheers!

--Auntie Dora

P.S. You're the fourth Love Stricken person. The other three are in love with Mia. Wouldn't it be funny if Isaac and Mia fell in love with each other? Ho, ho, ho. I wonder why the newspaper's owner's looking at me strangely?

Dear Auntie Dora,

I dropped our last letter. I wonder how you got it? Well, anyway, we've gone to Tolbi, but we've lost Mia's trail. Comrade of Booyakas from Internet Limbo says they either travelled to Gondowan or went back across the Karagol Sea. Do you know?

From,

Your Penpals

Dear Penpals,

It appears that Isaac's group came along and found your letter already addressed. They appear to have crossed the Karagol, since they showed up on my doorstep with the letter. I had to pretend that I was sick so that they wouldn't notice the letters and contract from Weyard Weekly under the blanket. Oh well. However, I know that they'll be back, so just prepare for them.

--Auntie Dora

Classified 

**ADVERTISEMENT - Babi has announced the publishing of his autobiography, _This Is The Life That Never Ends_, with an included theme song, with the same title as the book. The editors subtitled it as _The Ponderings of a Crazy_.**

**NOTICE - Asylum Breakout! Be on the lookout for someone named Alex, who escaped from the insane asylum where Babi and this fugitive had been sent recently. The escapee is a...actually, we aren't sure whether the person's male or female. Long aqua hair (exquisitely cared for), aqua eyes, has a tendency to teleport absent-mindedly. If found, return to Tolbi Insane Asylum.**

**MISSING - One Child of the Gods. Hails from Lalivero. Extremely round head of blonde hair. Actually rather freakily round, to tell the truth. We don't know whether she has green eyes or violet eyes. If found, report to both Tolbi's guards and the Tolbi Hair Salon (they want to know how she keeps her hair so smooth).**

**ADVERTISEMENT- Master Hammet's Memory Class. First Class is somewhere...I forget...at sometime...soon...or maybe later...Topic: Dates and Places.**

***

Charlie: *blowing horn*

Wilhelmina: *cupping non-existent hand over not-there ear* That's the alarm call! TO ARMS!

Ringwraiths: *swiftly grab longbows and swords* *run up to turrets*

Yoshimi: *looks outside* Hey, there are only four of them!

Shiro: Booyaka, Comrade Yoshimi!

Bubonic Woodchuck: Nice castle you've got here.

Vyctori: We're here as representatives of the Angry Rabble.

Wilhelmina: Nock arrows!

Triad: *looks worried* Should we take out our secret weapons yet?

Wilhelmina: Ha! We can beat you anyways!

Tom: Uh, Wilhelmina...

Vyctori: Oh yeah! Well, try this on for size! *whistles*

Entire Population of Prox: *run up, some as dragons*

Wilhelmina: Uh...

Bubonic Woodchuck: And this!

Giant Group Of Paladins, Onagers, Skirmishers, + Woad Raiders: *walk up, slowed down by Onagers*

Phil: *squeaking* Retreat?

Triad: Not to mention _this!_

B-2 Stealth Bomber: *flies up*

Richard: What is that?

Harry: Is it a bird?

Yoshimi: *scratching head* I've heard of people trying to make "flying machines," but I thought it would take until the twentieth century to do it!

Vyctori: ...Yoshimi, you _are_ aware that it's the twenty-first century?

Yoshimi: . . . . .I hate it when I miss half a millennium.

Triad: Let's just say it's a twenty-first century weapon, and you guys are working on about fifteenth century knowledge.

Charlie: There's been a fifteenth century?

Shiro, Vyctori, Bubonic Woodchuck, + Triad: *sweatdrop*

Shiro: And here's the last touch. *casts Call Dullahan with Supreme Programming Powers*

Dullahan: *brandishes Psynergetic whip*

Yoshimi + Muses: AAAAAAUGH!


	11. To Venus Lighthouse

A/N: This will be a little short, as I'm putting a muse skit with Vyctori's muse as a guest, so I decided to try to finish it before she finished her most recent fanfiction. Also, I'm trying to align the end of the first Golden Sun with the end of this. The horoscopes will also include a little of the beginning of The Lost Age.

Oh, a note. Someone who has been spamming and flaming Vyctori has apparently chosen to live up to their threat to flame her reviewers. Of course, since they're an anonymous reviewer, then it's easy to delete them.

&&&

Jupiter Ronin -- Whoa. Well, I may take you up on that when the Angry Rabble return. And I'll have a ruler ready so I can tell if it's you when you come.

Maxor -- Thanks for the ideas! As you can see, I used one of them.

Empress Dotdotdot -- Thank you for the ideas and compliments! I'll see if I can use your ideas.

Midnight C -- *nods* Yup, the Fear of Dullahan is ingrained in us all. *nods* You remember powerful and evil he was in the game? He seems even more so in person. I drained all the Mercury Adepts and Venus Adepts in the game trying to heal myself. I never thought that arm would reattach. But, anyway...*too innocent look* Mudshipping plug? What makes you think that? I ought to include Mia Glaciering Alex to death in the final edition.

Orchid the Jupiter Adept -- If there's one thing I've learned on the internet, it is that randomness is _good_. ^_^

Super Sheba -- Uh, toot, I guess...Yikes, Super Sheba! You scared me there with the foam and eye-twitch!

Wolfy129 -- *hides from Peeping Tom* I'm glad that some people are treating it as a newspaper! ^_^

The Shadow -- Do you have a Cloak Ball or something? Here's an update.

Akachi -- SUGER-HIGH AGATIO?! YAAAH! Is this soon enough for you?

Veilius -- I've given up trying to control my muses. They're too dangerous.

Wilhelmina: You got that right! ^_~

Yoshimi: *cough* Sorry if I may have corrupted your muse even more...it happens. Once, Shadow-Dragon5's muse corrupted Vyctori's muse, who corrupted Empress Dotdotdot's muse. I wonder who Empress Dotdotdot's muse will corrupt? Well, at least they leave me alone, usually.

Phil: Hey, you're right! We haven't been nagging you enough!

Wilhelmina: Well, that's all going to change! *draws sword*

Yoshimi: Help!

The Rain Child -- ^_^ Thank you!

Vyctori -- Well, I did correct myself by saying the "thieves in Lunpa."  And, I agree, GO MUDSHIPPING! Well, I got inspired to do the genderless thing from you, and someone who, in a poll of the character that they wanted to go out with from Golden Sun, they picked two girls and _Alex_! Hmm...contacts. Interesting proposition...And, yes, 2000 kilograms is a lot. I think if my muses repeat the experiment, I'm going to go broke. And, here's an update...a _quick_ update!

&&&

Yoshimi: Hello. At the moment, I'm stuck here in one of the two still standing parts of my house; neither of which, I may add, is a lavatory or a bedroom.

Phil: They sure hit us hard, didn't they?

Yoshimi: Understatement of whatever century this is...

***

Ship Theft Fails 

**IDEJIMA**- The sneak thieves, this time with help from the government of Tolbi, attempted to make off with _Meteor_, the ship owned by the vandals who caused the Lalivero Blackout. However, this failed, due to Saturos's clever anti-theft device. Despite the attempts of Lalivero guards, the Tolbi government had it hushed up.

Archaeologists Protest Against Sneak Thieves' Treatment of Lighthouse 

**VENUS LIGHTHOUSE**- Today, there was a protest of archaeologists outside Venus Lighthouse, complaining that now they couldn't tell how the ancients had left the Lighthouse. They were calmed by the sneak thieves, who were able to show them the _real_ entrance. However, the archaeologists made said thieves return everything to their original positions.

Thanks to Empress Dotdotdot, who was able to alert the sneak thieves to the complaints of the archaeologists.

Blackout in Lalivero 

**LALIVERO (where else?)- There is a blackout in Lalivero today. People are complaining loud and long.**

"Blackout?" one might ask. "If there's a blackout, why isn't it black?"

Well, that's because that Venus Lighthouse has tapped into the source of electricity for Lalivero in order to light the beacon.

The vandals that lit the Lighthouse and caused the blackout (aided, perhaps, by the sneak thieves) have been reported to have done the same thing to Imil, even though it was in the middle of winter. It is expected that they will strike in Contigo next.

Thanks to Maxor, who determined the source of the problem.

Agony Aunt: Auntie Dora 

Dear Auntie Dora,

I'm the guard of Suhulla Gate. A bunch of weirdoes just beat up me and my partner. They threw fire and stuff. Are there going to be others like that? Because, if there are, I quit! If not, then could I learn how to throw fire and stuff?

From,

Random Guard Who Hates Fire And Stuff Being Thrown At Him from Suhulla Gate And Originally Tolbi

Dear RGWHFASBTAH from SGAOT

Don't worry. There most likely won't be any others that will attack you. And, I'm sorry, you can't just learn it.

--Auntie Dora

Dear Auntie Dora,

Well, this beats it all. We just got through Suhulla Desert and were very near Venus Lighthouse when a gigantic earthquake ripped a piece of earth off the coast. I also saw Idejima being sent off too. Luckily, Mia's group came by in a ship. Unluckily, they didn't notice us. We're now following behind their ship in the floating island. What should we do to attract their attention?

From,

Your Penpals

Dear Penpals,

Agony Aunt training never touched on subjects like this. Well, as best I can guess, try getting Unsure from Lama Temple and Comrade of Booyakas from Internet Limbo to make big flashes of light. Good luck.

--Auntie Dora

Classified 

**NOTICE- The Scientists Meeting in Lalivero has been cancelled, because that they feel that scientific fact doesn't affect anything in Weyard.**

**MISSING- Idejima. Last seen in Idejima. If found, return to Idejima.**

Horoscope* (NEW SECTION!)

Mia's assistant, Mystic Megan has looked into her crystal lighthouse beacon and has made these predictions...

**Venus -- Care should be taken by the Venus Adept. If you should make an error, than one you care for will fall, causing the same in you. **Tonight**: A night on the beach with that special someone.**

**Mars -- Trouble awaits the Mars Adept. A sibling may go to a danger zone while making sure of your safety. Beware of ruffians. **Tonight**: Rest on an island paradise.**

**Jupiter -- ...why should I tell what will happen to a Jupiter Adept? You already know! However, remember, tall places can be dangerous today. **Tonight**: A splash in the water.**

**Mercury -- Travel awaits the Mercury Adept. A wave will accidentally solve your problems of transport. ****Tonight: A case of mistaken identity.**

*This is how the horoscopes will work. They'll show a little bit of what's happening, and a bit of what's going to happen in the next edition. This time, it's about Felix's group.

***

Door: *knock, knock*

Yoshimi: Coming! *opens door*

The Witch King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazgûls, you know the rest: *walks in*

Yoshimi: *gulps* Er...muses? Help?

Richard: So sorry, but we aren't allowed to beat up on the Lord of the Nazgûls.

Harry: Mister Sauron made it that way.

Tom: Please accept our sincerest apologies.

Bob: Alack, there lies more peril...

Wilhelmina: I'll show _you_ peril! 

Yoshimi: Great. What am I to do now?

*As if on cue...*

Menardi (Vyctori's muse): *enters* At last! I have found you, evil witchy dude!

WKA, LN: What's this?

Menardi: Yoshimi sort of hired me to take you out.

WKA, LN, etc.: *glares at Yoshimi*

Yoshimi: She was the one who offered!

WKA, LN: Come with me, Nazgûl, and smite our foe!

Ringwraiths: *do nothing*

Menardi: *grabs scythe*

WKA, LN: I said, come with me, Nazgûl, and smite our foe!

Charlie: Sorry, but Mister Sauron ordained us to never hurt you, but he never said to obey your every command.

Menardi: *advances threateningly*

WKA, LN: I thought it was in your contract!

Phil: Well, meet our friend, the Random Lawyer! Random Lawyer showed us a loophole that Mister Sauron left in it.

WKA, LN: Worthless servants...*draws sword*

Menardi: *swings scythe*

WKA, LN: *blocks it* *uses Black Breath*

Menardi: *uses Chocolate Breath*

WKA, LN: *gasping* I hate chocolate!

Menardi: *backs WKA, LN through the door to the other remaining room*

Charlie: *shuts door*

Yoshimi: Whew. Well, I hope you enjoyed this edition of Weyard Weekly...

Menardi: *from other room* Pyroclasm!

WKA, LN: *ditto* YAAAAAAH!

Yoshimi: *sweatdrop*

Wilhelmina: And if you don't review, we'll send Menardi after you!

WKA, LN: *emits terrible scream*

Menardi: *peeks in* Um, I was going to burn it, but you said that you wanted it, so... *hands Yoshimi battered and torched cloak*

Yoshimi: That's all that's left of him?

Wilhelmina: Don't be too sure. Nazgûls are hard to get rid of.

Menardi: That was fun! If he comes back, don't hesitate to call me to murder him brutally again! *walks off, whistling to self*

Yoshimi: *puts plaque on wall* *begins to tack up cloak*

Charlie: *reading plaque* "Witch King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazgûls, Big Boss of the Black Riders, Blah Blah Blah-Blah Blah, Muse of Tragedy. Met an unfortunate end at the hands of Menardi, Muse to Vyctori."

Phil: *dryly* Touching.

Yoshimi: *sweatdrop* Quite.


	12. Beginning of The Lost Age To Daila

A/N: Now it's for The Lost Age! Not all of the stuff that should have got into this, did. I knew I should have made fun of the "The thingie...that makes it go..." but the only thing I could think of totally freaked me out. "Saturos's Thingie That Makes Menardi Go"...0_o;;;;;;;;;;;

Charlie: Yoshimi, why are you under your writing desk?

Yoshimi: *sweatdrop* I haven't updated in almost twenty days! The Angry Rabble will be here any minute!

Charlie: *crawling under* Move over.

Yoshimi: Note to readers. I put some of the reviewers in a certain section of the newspaper. Don't be offended by what I put, or if I didn't get to you. If you don't like it, then just tell me. If you want another letter answering, then also tell me.

Wilhelmina: Pigs might fly!

Yoshimi: Remember the reaction to bit-parts in A Mudshipper's Romeo and Juliet?

Phil: How could we? You've been ignoring this fic while updating that other fanfiction!

Yoshimi: *sweatdrop*

One quick apology: I apologise for keeping that flamer's post up so long, but I was reporting the flamer to abuse@fanfiction.net, and I wanted an example of that particular type of post.

On a better note, here are the reviews!

&&&

Midnight C -- Maybe not... Hmm, thanks for the idea about the grave robbing. ^_^ Alex is not going to get a very good reputation...Yes, the Mercury Horoscope was for Picard.

Daito Dei Gratia -- 0_o; Wow. It looks like you _really hate flamers. It appears that the flamer has finally either given up, or Fanfiction.net did something about it. Thanks for the help with the money and stuff!_

Griffinkhan -- Don't worry, I updated extra quickly, because I wanted to allow Vyctori time to put something about her muse killing the Witch King of Angmar in her muse skits. I refrain from commenting about Sheba's love life, in case she does something small like kill me. Weapons-grade plutonium?! 0_o;;;; I think I'll just go and flee the country now...

Shiro Amayagi -- I don't pity the WKA, LN, but, then again, he tried to kill me, so I'm not the most enamoured with him... I updated quickly, so don't worry. Good luck at the beach!

Wolfy129 -- ^_^ Thanks a lot!

Akachi -- For the reward, you have to first return it. And, yes, that was Lighthouseshipping, because that's what I support, and Vyctori would set her muse on me if I did any other coupling with Felix or Sheba, anyway...

Katsu Solaris and Lunaris -- So far, only Vyctori is getting spam too, but I've got some fourteen or more flames so far. Young things, aren't you? I'm 4752! Or is it 4753? Drat, I've lost count! Your muse has a crush on you? Since mine are Ringwraiths...Urg! *shivers in horror from the very thought of it*

EchoKazul -- I think whoever it _may have gotten something of a life. It's been a while since any flaming. Thanks for the compliments! It appears that horoscope section's going to be popular!_

MecuryAdept -- ^_^ Thanks!

Taiga -- Don't worry, I did two updates in quick succession. I liked writing the Idejima thing myself, personally.

Maxor -- You're always so full of ideas! It makes my job easier.

Super Sheba -- Well, I'm hoping you mean between chapters 9 and 10. I didn't take very long at all to upload chapter 11! Isaac in a pink party hat? When was this?

Bubonic Woodchuck -- Horoscopes are definitely staying after what I heard from my reviewers today! I, personally, wasn't so thrilled at the destruction, but it _was_ my house...

Vyctori -- *sweatdrop* I never knew that Menardi would take my offer up on killing my muse of tragedy. Probably I should start training a new muse of tragedy. No suggestions, please! I've got several ideas already. Well, it made it easier to name it _something_. Another thing for Alex and the Golden Sun could be that the electric company says that he hasn't been keeping up with his payments, so they're cutting him off. Horoscopes sure are popular. AAAAH! You're threat is _scaring me! 0_o;!!!_

Cowpuppyo -- I'm writing, I'm writing!

Triad Orion -- _Very_ ironic. Lovely. More weapons I don't know about. I think I'm getting elvesbeingstupidanddecidingtohurtyoshimibecauseheistravellingwithscumofmordoreven-thoughheisntdoinganythingwrongandneitherarethescumofmordorwhohappentobe-ringwraithsandmusesatthesametimebecauseigetenoughofthegettinghurtfromwilhelmina-andthereviewersandimbabblingarentishouldistopokayimstoppingophobia. Ha, topped your Midnighthurttriadophobia!

Rallalon -- Ooh! New reviewer! ^_^ YAY! Thanks for the compliments! I hope you'll review again...and again, and again, and...

&&&

Yoshimi: A big thanks to Daito for the million pounds to rebuild my house with. It's almost finished...Oh. No.

Angry Rabble: ^_^ Yup! We're _baaack_!

Yoshimi: *head in hands* Why me, why me?

***

Lalivero In Uproar! Protests Against Sexism Run Rampant 

**LALIVERO- Today, Lalivero has been sent into an uproar when it was reported that a girl, whose name has been censored, while escaping Venus Lighthouse, called boys fools!**

"To take the direct quote," one protester remarked. "It was 'Why are boys such fools?', which is extremely sexist."

One protester, when told of the quote, made the calm reply, "**_ARGABOOGADINGDONGHRAAA!_"***

The group, made mainly of males as well as a spattering of females, demands an apology for such outrageous slander.

*Quote may not be accurate. It could have been huragabruhagingongrah.

Ruffian Sues For Injuries 

**LALIVERO- A man, under the alias, "Ruffian," chose to complain for violence done to him. Here is a transcript of the trial...**

Transcript 

Judge: The court is now in session. Ruffian, please state your case.

Ruffian: I got beaten up!

Judge: By who, and did you provoke him/her.

Ruffian: By...an old guy named Kraden.

Jury: *raucous laughter*

Ruffian: *angrily* I'd like to see _you handle him! And the only thing I did was call him a grandpa._

Judge: Bring in the accused.

Kraden: *walks in*

Judge: _Him_?

Scribe: That old coot? 

Kraden: *eye twitch* What did you just call me?

Scribe: OLD!

Kraden: *launches self at scribe*

Scribe: AAAAAAUGH[transcript stops in the middle of a letter "H." Red dots can be seen on the scroll]

End Of Transcript 

Uh, police?

Agony Aunt: Auntie Dora 

NOTICE: Auntie Dora's got a touch of the flu, so we've asked some people to help

Dear Auntie Dora,

Um, there's this blue haired dude (also known as "scary guy with the blue hair") that I was travelling with who was saying something like, "You and I may think differently, but ultimately we both want the same thing..." but then he got this really freaky expression and he shouted insanely, "**_THE POWER TO RULE THE WORLD!_" Then he got in this coughing fit and told me to ignore the last part. Is it just me, or is he an evil, insane psycho suffering from megalomania and is plotting behind our collective back?**

Signed, your faithful reader,

Concerned from (originally) Vale

Dear Concerned from (originally) Vale,

**_YES! YES! ALEX IS EVIL SPAWN OF EVILNESS! DIE, ALEX, DIE!_**

Signed, Auntie Dora's Stand-In,

Vyctori

Dear Auntie Dora,

Well, we're finally on board Mia's group's ship. Boy, is Mia _ever beautiful! How can we get her attention?_

Signed,

The Love Strickens

Dear The Love Strickens,

KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MIA! SHE BELONGS TO ISAAC!

Yours truly, Auntie Dora's Stand-Ins,

Midnight C and Triad Orion

"Queen and King of Mudshipping"

Dear Auntie Dora,

WAAAH! We're on a wooden ship, so I'm forbidden to burn stuff! WAAAH! What can I do?

Signed,

Pyromaniac At Sea from Vale

Dear Pyromaniac At Sea from Vale,

NOOO! HOW _DARE_ THEY TAKE THE PRECIOUSSS FIRE AWAY FROM YOU! Fire, yes precious...try burning things anyway.

Signed, Auntie Dora's Stand-In,

Akachi

Dear Auntie Dora's Stand-In,

How does one swim?

Signed,

Pyromaniac Who Burned Down The Ship from Vale

Dear Pyromaniac Who Burned Down The Ship from Vale,

WATER! NOOOO! It hurt fire, yes precious! We don't knowses, I mean, know, but you'd better learn quickly!

Signed, Auntie Dora's Stand-In,

Akachi

Dear Auntie Dora's Stand-In

Glug.

Pyromaniac Who Is About To Drown from Vale

Dear Pyromaniac Who Is About To Drown from Vale,

I always wondered where Isaac's boat had gone...and why they hadn't gotten to Lemuria in time.

Signed, Auntie Dora's Stand-In,

Akachi

Classified 

**NOTICE- Ruffians are going to start a presentation called, "Why Eating A Big Breakfast Makes It Less Likely For You To Get Beaten Up By A Random Girl And Her Grandpa."**

**ADVERT- Come to the Shrine of the Sea God! Only twelve coins for admission. Fun for the whole family! Unless, of course, you're not into being cursed horribly.**

Horoscopes (By Popular Demand!)

Mystic Megan has looked into her crystal lighthouse beacon and seen the following...

Venus -- Travel is in your future...now and for a _long time in the future. But fear not. The stars say you'll be with your blue dove, but I think that's a spelling error. Tonight: Sleep. _ Mars -- Look forward to walking around in the mud, with no baths, and dust all over the place. Tonight: Camping out. No soft beds, still no baths, and insects. Not a five star day. Jupiter -- Moving on... 

**Mercury -- Today you will get up, eat, look at the wall, play tic-tac-toe against yourself, lose, and count the bricks on the wall. As you did yesterday. And the day before that. Etc. ****Tonight: The same. Except you'll go to sleep instead of get up.**

***

Yoshimi: There's your update! Go home!

Angry Reviewer 1: NO! We want to put the entire area to fire and the sword!

Angry Reviewer 2: ...But you said we were just here for an update...

Angry Reviewer 1: Well, now that we're here, it seems a big waste of time to just go back!

Yoshimi: Well, I'll just have to call on my secret weapon!

Angry Reviewer 3: Hey, we've got a lot of fire for the Ringwraiths!

Yoshimi: No, I'm talking about someone else!

Daito: Greetings.

Angry Reviewer 4: But..._you're a reviewer_!

Angry Rabble: PAY-OFF! TRAITOR TO THE CAUSE!

Daito: Please leave, or I may have to be...hasty.

Angry Reviewer 1: Hah! It's all of us to just one!

Daito: Correction. It is all of you to one with martial arts and sword abilities, fifty nuclear missiles, twenty-two nuclear subs, five hundred anti-air craft units, two thousand tanks, two hundred B-2s. Also, I have helped his muses by giving them stinger missiles, AKS-74Us, C-4s, hand grenades, and the stone tablet for summoning Iris.

Angry Rabble: 0_o;;;;

Angry Reviewer 5: How much would _that cost?_

Daito: Around $56, 987, 023, 567, 000. In pounds, that would be...

Angry Rabble: 0_o;

Angry Reviewer 6: Where did he get all that?

Angry Reviewer 7: This guy's creepy!

Angry Reviewer 1: Wait a minute there! Triad is nearby with V-2 Rockets and Tomahawk Cruise Missiles, ready to fire!

Yoshimi: Whatsits?

Daito: I hope you know that that would hurt you, too, that I do.

Angry Reviewer 2: WHAT?! You never told us this!

Angry Reviewers 2 onward: *run away*

Angry Reviewer 1: HEY! Where are you going?

Daito: Leave, or you may be caught in the crossfire.

Angry Reviewer 1: Okay, okay... *leaves grudgingly*

Daito: Oh, to Triad? I actually have three thousand tanks, that I do. In case you were considering pressing the launch button, the thousand I didn't mention are monitoring you.

Triad: *somewhere* *pulls hand hastily away from button*

Yoshimi: ^_^ Gee, thanks Daito!

Daito: Anytime, Yoshimi-sama.

Yoshimi: Now, all that's...!!! 0_o; **_AAAAAAAAAAAH!_**

Daito: What is...

Menardi (Vyctori's muse): Hello!

Yoshimi: *trying to scramble up wall* AUGH, AUGH, AUGH!

Daito: *drawing sword* You shall come no farther!

Menardi: Bring it on!

Daito: *fires with all fifty nuclear missiles, twenty-two nuclear subs, five hundred anti-air craft...aw, you get the picture* *everything in an eighty kilometre radius is obliterated and all the people (except Daito, who's properly protected) within a hundred kilometre radius are knocked out* *smokes slowly clears*

Menardi: *unfazed*

Daito: *unnerved* *blinks in confusion*

Menardi: So, will Vyctori let me back in now?

Yoshimi: @_@ Urrgggg...

Menardi: Yes? Good. See you later!

Wilhelmina: @_@ Glurg, review, urrrggg...nasty demise. Urg.


	13. To Madra An Update, At Long Last!

Yoshimi: *looking out from under writing desk* Seems safe...

Richard: What's wrong, Yoshimi?

Yoshimi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, _WHAT'S WRONG?_ I haven't updated for a month, if you count it as a thirty-one day month!

Tom: You're completely and utterly doomed.

Yoshimi: I can explain! You see, I've been working on my new Author Page, http:// www. freehomepages. com/ randomstuff/ index .htm, working on one-shots for both the Golden Sun OneShot Service and the Golden Sun One Shot Panoply, working on the Unnamed Skit for my Author Page, and I've been a little uninspired for Weyard Weekly. Well, here I go! One note: I'm going to use the name "Picard," because of an overwhelming majority when I asked about it for A Mudshipper's Romeo and Juliet.

&&&

Midnight C -- Actually, I've become very attached to the Stricken group...since I'm too much of a Mudshipper to match them up with Mia, I'm going to have to find them some nice girls that don't travel as much...I enjoyed picking out the guest writers. I might have more of them.

Daito Dei Gratia -- I always feel so much safer from the Angry Rabble when you're handling them. And I'll make sure to get you to try to heal all my mental scars...there are quite a few...

EchoKazul -- I hope you'll still help me, despite my slowness in updating. Pretty please? *grabs a Random Chibi*

Random Chibi: *chibi eyes* Pwease?

Yoshimi: ^_^ That should do it! Yup, Kraden can be scary and powerful if he wants to be...the rest of them just need their practice.

Empress Dotdotdot -- 0_o; Er...so you enjoyed it? Okay, let's see...you'd definitely be Felix-biased, so...hmm, ideas coming in...Well, I guess that the Picard horoscope was neutrally accepted if you average out your response and Picard's. Don't worry if you don't have many weapons. Usually, when I'm writing, the more pathetic the character, the better they do!

Super Sheba -- Oh dear...it looks like you're having muse trouble. That's never good...*hides*

Wolfy129 -- So, basically, Weyard Weekly's secondary to a carrot? Well, at least you had trouble deciding at first!

Bubonic Woodchuck -- ^_^ Thanks!

Kevin C -- Thanks! Craziness, like randomness, is _very, very good! I think I can use at least one of those ideas!_

guy with bad mental images because of reading fic. (I will sue for emotional distress!!!!!-unless, of course, the next update is quick) -- Well, I wasn't quick, so...

*earlier*

Judge: All rise.

*later*

guy with bad mental images because of reading fic. (I will sue for emotional distress!!!!!-unless, of course, the next update is quick): I swear.

Lawyer: So...er, GWBMIBORF (IWSFEDUOCTNUIQ), what happened?

GWBMIBORF (IWSFEDUOCTNUIQ): I was reading a PG fanfiction when I read something that gave me bad mental images.

Lawyer: And that was?

GWBMIBORF (IWSFEDUOCTNUIQ): "Saturos's Thingy That Makes Menardi Go." *shudders*

All except for Random Proxshipper: 0_o;;;; O_O

Random Proxshipper: ^_^

Judge: Ee-oo, ee-oo...ee-oo...You're under arrest! And sued!

Yoshimi: But I have to update my fic! How much to keep out?

Judge: 2 billion pounds.

Yoshimi: 0_o; TWO BILLION!!!

Judge: Yup. Hand it over.

???: One moment.

Judge: ???

Daito: *walks in* Here is the two billion pounds. You may release him now, that you may.

*later*

Yoshimi: ...and that's what happened. Boy, am I glad Daito came in!

Akachi -- Take it up with the Laliverans! _They_ offered the reward! I see Auntie Dora's stand-ins were pretty popular. I'll have to do more...

MercuryAdept -- Thanks for the compliments! Also thank you for telling what you liked! It helps this old author in his updates who's starting to speak in the third person.

Vyctori -- Hmm...a death match between Menardi in normal mode and Kraden in super-hyper-angry-YOUNG-SPRIGHTLY mode! That would be something to see. Of course she isn't human. She's Proxian! ^_~

Taiga -- Yes, the reviewers are taking over all of my fanfictions. HELP!

Uniswift87 -- Don't worry, I'm not too mad at the people who bugged me. Thanks for the compliments!

ONE with the power of the US army/UN COMMANDER (I'm guessing that it's the same person) -- Ha, ha, good joke! Er...it _is_ a joke, right? Right? No? Uh, Daito...we have a problem...

&&&

Yoshimi: Well, at least I've got some supporters this time besides Daito.

Echo: You've taken so long, I'm considering joining the Angry Rabble when it arrives.

Yoshimi: Please! Please! Don't do that! I don't want to die! *grovels*

  
Empress Dotdotdot: 0_o; Okay...

Echo: I guess I'll help...

Yoshimi: Thank you! I'll get this update started while you guys wait for the attack of the Angry Rabble.

***

Theft At The Cad--Kad—Kand--Kandoratious--Kandoria--Thingy Temple

**THINGY TEMPLE**- At...that place...the...old guy who runs the temple...complained of the theft of...some kind of rock...somehow...I think it was that they disguised themselves as teachers...I mean, students...at the...thingy...temple.

The...old guy...said something that I forget...that was...not very happy...I think.

"It's a," something, "to the entire," Thingy "Temple," said someone who I forget the name of...I think.

Thanks to...Kevin...some letter...for the...stuff...information...yeah...

Madran Sues Champan [some words are scrawled here..."I'm NOT a Champan!"]

**MADRA**- Shin, a fine, upstanding (well, he _was upstanding until he fell off a big ice pillar...) Madran, has tried to sue the Champan [this has been crossed out] for damages. However, he was laughed out of court when he said that the Champan [crossed out] stared at a puddle and made it turn into a pillar of ice._

"It's _true, I tell you!" Shin bawled as he was taken from court._

Of course, this is nonsense. I mean, who ever heard of turning water into ice by the power of thought? Hohohohoho...

Agony Aunt: Auntie Dora

Dear Auntie Dora,

I was laughed out of court! It's _true_ that the Champan turned the puddle into a pillar of ice! Please say you believe me...

Signed,

An Angry Madran from Madra

Stupid Shin,

This message will self-destruct in five...four...three...

Signed, Auntie Dora's Stand-In

Vyctori

Dear Auntie Dora,

Here, I need to vent. That _stupid_ brown-haired _hippie_ (see, long-haired) went and stole the sacred treasure from the righteous temple! He and his idiotic friends (though not as thoroughly evil and unintelligent as him) went right past me and stole it! They're complete morons, I tell you! Do you agree?

Signed,

More Deserving Student from Kandorean Temple

Dear More Idiotic Student from Kandorean Temple,

A quick note. I'll be over to kill you.

See you soon!

Auntie Dora's Stand-In,

Empress Dotdotdot

Classified

**WANTED**- Job...I think...for a...person who works at a newspaper...who used to work at...Thingy...Temple for...I'm-Not-Sure...Some-Measurement-Of-Time...Memory not included.

**WANTED**- Bodyguard for a Kandorean Temple student. Must be willing to take on a person completely insane and imbued with Scary Author Powers. Please, I'm desperate! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!

Horoscopes

Mystic Megan has looked into her crystal lighthouse beacon and has freaked herself out...

**Venus** -- You will find allies...okay, _an ally...in a bad situation. Why you don't just beat everyone up and spring him from jail, no one knows. **Tonight: A day on warm sand as the sun shines brightly. However, this is **__not a trip to the beach..._

**Mars** -- You will find your true love, you shall accomplish all you set out to do, you will settle down and forever be happy...oops. Wrong stars. Excuse me. Uh, you are _so_ *bleep*ed. **Tonight**: Continent hopping!

**Jupiter**: Dum de dum... **Tonight**: Y'know.

**Mercury**: Keep an eye on your stuff, or you might lose your preciousss... **Tonight: You will whine about losing your preciousss...**

***

Echo: *shading eyes* Angry Rabble at twelve o' clock!

Yoshimi: Great. That means there's at least three more minutes before they arrive! Thanks for the advance...oh, dear.

ONE with the power of the US army/UN COMMANDER: *walks up*

Empress Dotdotdot: It's just a black blob!

Yoshimi: *holds up hands defensively* Well, I don't know who it is! It could be _you for all I know!_

Daito: Well, it will be hard to fight someone that we cannot see, that it will.

Echo: His name's a little long, too.

Yoshimi: True. Hey, OWTPOTUSA/UNC!

ONE with the power of the US army/UN COMMANDER: Yes?

Yoshimi: Because I'm going to get Daito to take care of you, you will as of this point be known as the Anti-Daito. *zaps him with Scary Author Powers*

Anti-Daito: *looking like Daito, except that all the colours have been reversed* What...?

Yoshimi: Okay, Daito, the Anti-Daito, maybe you should take this somewhere else so that London isn't destroyed.

Daito: Okay. *sends himself, his troops, the Anti-Daito, and its troops to a gap between dimensions*

*the gap between dimensions...*

Phantom Ganon: Another boring day...*straightens* What was that?

Daito's army: *appears on Phantom Ganon's left*

Anti-Daito's army: *appears on Phantom Ganon's right*

Daito + Anti-Daito: ATTACK!

Phantom Ganon: **_ARRRRRRRRRRGH!_**

*back in reality...*

Angry Rabble: Here we are!

Echo: We have to thin down their ranks first. Any plans, Dotdotdot?

Empress Dotdotdot: Yup! Hey, Angry Reviewer 1!

Angry Reviewer 1: Yes?

Empress Dotdotdot: Are there any OBHL among you?

Angry Reviewer 1: Yesss...

Empress Dotdotdot: Too bad Picard's not here...oh, well. I'll make do. *makes a Picard plushy appear with Scary Author Powers* Catch! *throws Picard plushy outside*

OBHL Angry Reviewers: **_PICARD PLUSHY!_ *run after it* *fall down hole***

Empress Dotdotdot: YES! They fell for the pit-trap!

Angry Reviewer 3: I'm sure that the urge to say, "Prepare for trouble" is incredible...

Echo: *sitting down with laptop* *types something and clicks "enter"*

Angry Reviewer 1: Aaaaand?

*suddenly, over the hill, jingling out "Pop Goes The Weasel," comes...*

Angry Reviewer 1: An ice-cream truck with a rocket booster? [A/N: You'd have to read Echo's "Robin HoodGS Style" to get it.]

Angry Reviewers: ICE CREAM! *run after the truck, joining the Proxians already doing so.* [A/N: Yet again, Echo's fic...]

Angry Reviewer 1: *looks around to see that it (I'm not sure who it is, so I can't tell if it's male or female) is the only one who's left* Uh, oh...

Echo: *holding scrunchy* When ready...

Empress Dotdotdot: *powering it up with a Scary Author Spell* FIRE!

Echo: *launches scrunchy*

Scrunchy-muse: *speeds along, leaving behind a trail of Scary Author sparks* *hits Angry Reviewer 1 on the head, knocking it back several metres and knocking it out*

Daito: *warping in* *rather dirty* There. I had to beat the last of his army on my own, that I did.

Yoshimi: And, luckily, in the gap between dimensions, it's impossible to die.

Phantom Ganon: *warping in* *crackling with purple energy* *evil voice* Lucky indeed.

Yoshimi: Eep.


End file.
